5 Bucks
by Sour Schuyler
Summary: When Yugi steals 5 bucks from Malik, and insults Marik while doing it, Marik decides to get even with Yugi. But how did stealing back four times the amount turn into seducing Yugi? And what’s with Joey’s new job?
1. 5 bucks

It was an inanely hot day. Sweat was pouring off of Joey's neck, and each time he wiped it, it only seemed to reappear even faster. So, he was pretty surprised to see Yugi dressed in his usual outfit—long, blue jeans, a black shirt with the sleeves neatly cut off—climbing up a loosed gutter pipe, his navy blue backpack on his back.

"Yugi?"

Yugi grunted as he fell off of the pipe. He had only been about halfway up in, anyway, but now the pipe was _too _loose. He could move it too easily, and he couldn't climb it. He'd have to find another way to scale the building.

"Oh, sorry, Yug'. I didn't mean to scare ya'," Joey apologized, his dark eyes sympathetic.

Yugi stood up and brushed the dirt off of his favorite shirt. "It's a good thing black hides dirt, then, huh?" he joked, giving Joey a broad grin.

"Yug'."

"Hm?"

"Are you okay?"

Yugi's violet eyes swept up to meet Joey's. His friend Joey towered over him, making Yugi suddenly felt like a little kid. He was immediately repulsed by this feeling, remembering his new resolution to not let people walk all over him. Ever since Tea had taken to her little "heart games," where she dated everybody in the _world _except for Yugi, and then always made goo-goo eyes at him, Yugi had felt like he was even getting run over by _girls. _And _that _was not a feeling that Yugi was going to take lightly anymore.

Yugi shrugged, placing his hands in his pockets. "What do you mean, am I okay?" he asked, feigning innocence. "Do I look green or something? Is my head turning into a fruit, like in those snack commercials?"

"No, I mean, you just…"

"Just what?"

"You missed the stairs." Joey pointed to the stairwell on the other side of the building's wall. Yugi sweat dropped.

"…The person who wants me up there told me not to take the stairs."

"Why?"

"Um, because they can…?"

Joey shook his head. "Whateva'. I'm just gonna split, seeing as you're obviously busy with something."

Yugi took a hold of the gutter pipe. "Thanks, Joey. You're awesome."

"Eh?" Joey scratched the back of his head, obviously pleased. "He he he he. Of course I am. Stay cool!"

"That's impossible in this heat," Yugi muttered to himself after Joey had turned away and started to stroll out of the alley. Letting go of the gutter pipe, Yugi headed towards the stairs. True, Bakura had told him _not _to use the stairs, but he wasn't _listening _to Bakura anymore, now was he?

Yugi's shoes seemed to clank a little too loudly on the metal steps. Wincing with each step, he took the stairs two at a time, wishing he could just be at the top already. It was only one story, but in the haze of the heat it seemed to be three. Finally, he was up top.

Immediately he was confronted by a slender boy with shockingly white hair, and even more shockingly pale skin. Deep, dark brown eyes furrowed, considering him. Lips were pulled tightly into a scowl. The person was wearing a t-shirt with white and light blue horizontal stripes, and grayish slacks.

"I thought I told you not to take the stairs."

Yugi tried to make a production of rolling his eyes at the intimidating figure, while all of his insides went _eep. _He wasn't wearing the Millennium Puzzle—he had quit wearing it once Yami and he got their own bodies, or, to be more precise, after he had become teed off with his counter part. This made him much, much more vulnerable.

"Special delivery boys have to take special delivery paths," was all that Yugi could manage, along with a stiff smile. Bakura raised one eyebrow, but waved him along with his hand. Walking besides Yugi initially across the barren, tan rooftop, Bakura was able to get across with less strides, seeing as his legs were so much longer. There was a counter in the middle of the rooftop; tan and scratchy, just like the floor. It was about five feet deep, four feet wide, four feet long. Malik was leaning the side that Yugi couldn't see, and Yami Marik was perched on it. Bakura hopped onto it himself, situating himself. Nudging Yami Marik with his elbow, Bakura effectively drew the… _abnormality's _attention away from his dark green yo-yo with a white stripe. Now both of the yamis had their gazes fixed solely upon Yugi.

While the _old _Yugi would've probably had his nerves shot by this, the _new _Yugi just squared his shoulders and passed them easily. Finally he was standing in front of Malik. The poor down was wearing dark-colored slacks and his infamous purple belly shirt, but because of the heat he was neglecting to wear his customary golden jewelry.

Malik was fanning himself with an old _Vogue _magazine. Yugi stared at the cover of the magazine curiously, before removing his backpack from his shoulders. Opening the flap, he turned it and dumped out its contents.

Three larges packages of candy fell out. Malik looked up at Yugi, then at the candy, then back at Yugi, gratefully.

"Thank you Yugi. Here's the money I promised you." Malik took out a wad of one-dollar bills. For some reason or another, the two of them had promised to exchange American money instead of yen pieces. Yugi still wasn't quite sure why; he thought Malik had just gotten back from a vacation in America, but he couldn't remember exactly.

Yugi counted through the dollar bills.

"You owe me five dollars," Malik told him. "I gave you five too many… I just couldn't bother to count them."

_Why should I have to count them? _Yugi wondered. "Hey, too bad. Mine now," he joked.

_Wait a second… New Yugi! Just keep the money! _

Malik smirked at him. "Yeah, right. Fork it over."

_Just do it!_

"No," Yugi said. He nearly choked on his words, but managed to sound calm. He felt confident in a way he didn't know he could have. He started to walk away.

Malik looked shock. "What!" he spat. "Give me my money!"

"No way!" Yugi said, grinning. He rushed off, leaping over the side of the building. He didn't land on his feet, but nobody was there to see, so it was all cool. He started to make his way home _very _quickly, in case Malik came after him.

"What the heck!" Malik leapt to his feet. "Did you see that!"

Bakura was laughing his butt off. Marik gazed after Yugi, considering his action.

_That was so different of that gaki-me, _he thought. _It could be useful to find out what makes him act like that. _

"I'll get it for you," Marik offered. Malik turned and nodded at his other self. Ever since Marik had been granted a new life, he was always trying to be on good behavior around his former host. He felt he owed it to him. He was actually kind of scared of Malik's motorcycle, but he was _not _admitting that.

Malik shrugged. "Sure," he said. "Go ahead."


	2. The arcade

Oh wow! Four reviews! That's more than I thought I'd get originally… so I've updated faster than I thought I was going to.

Dragon-Chamer16- Thank you so much. I feel so cool, having this put on someone's favorites list on its first day.

dragonlady222- Arigatou as well!

mokubas lover- I'll stop being lazy if you learn how to spell. :P Joking, I'm only joking!

Evee1sh– Thank you.

The arcade was jam-packed with people. Yugi almost didn't find Joey in the crowd. But the one thing that Yugi liked about the arcade, was that people of all ages came there. Including people shorter than him. And Joey and Tea were tall. He finally Joey and Tea a few minutes later in the back, playing DDR.

"Go Joey!" Yugi cheered. He cheered for Joey just because he knew his friend was already predestined to lose. Joey was miserable at dancing; the guy could barely leap across a crack in the sidewalk without flailing.

In fact, Joey wiped out and fell right on top of his shorter friend. "EEP!" Yugi struggled to push Joey off of him, but gave up. Such were the drawbacks of being small and cute.

"Joey, get off of me, please," Yugi said politely. Joey didn't move. "JOEY!"

Tea linked her arms underneath Joey's armpits and lifted him up. "He passed out," she explained.

"Baka," Yugi laughed. Tea gave him a funny look. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just that you've never called Joey a baka before."

"I've thought it. Affectionately." Yugi stuck out his tongue as Tea started to get all misty-eyed. "No! Not in that way!"

"Awww…" Tea's smile faded. "It would've been cute."

"But I'm not like that, and neither is Joey… so far as I know!" Yugi just had to add that little joke at the end as he stood up and dusted himself off. Tea laughed too, then pointed out that Yugi _always _dusted himself off, teasing him. Yugi just rolled his eyes. Somehow, someway, Tea had gotten her hands on a Gravitation manga, and ever since she'd been an aggressive yaoi fangirl. She kept finding "secret meanings" behind every action Joey and/or Yugi did. It was disturbing that she thought of him and his best friend as a couple. Yugi wondered if Joey was just as disturbed by it… probably was. But he didn't know that Yugi was, had been, bi-sexual. It wasn't as if Yugi had any feelings _for _any guy, it was just that he could appreciate both genders' looks.

Of course, he was _never _going to confess to Tea that he was bisexual. Never, ever in a million years. It was partially because he didn't want to come out, and partially because she would blab it to EVERYONE. He was afraid of losing friends. He was afraid that he would be picked on. And also, there was always that bit of doubt… The feeling that, maybe he was _wrong… _and he _wasn't _bi…

There was a lot of self-doubt involved, a lot of second-guessing himself, and Yugi just wasn't ready for Tea to start expecting him to stare at every cute guy that came along. Then there would be questions, like, "What kind of guy are you attracted to?" and "Can I set you up with this guy?" Tea was like that. Yugi wanted no part of it.

Besides, Tea would ask him how he knew, and it wasn't like he had his eye on anyone.

After Joey came to, Yugi challenged him to Tekken 5. The Tekken machine was closer to the front of the arcade, so Joey and Yugi left Tea at the DDR machine and headed towards the front. Yugi looked out the arcade's glass doors. The skyline was turning a dark blue hue as evening settled over the bustling city.

"So, I got a new job," Joey was saying.

Yugi fingered the hem of his pocket, feeling the coins inside. He had exchanged the dollars for yen with Duke, who was going to go on a vacation to America next week—to New York City. Tea was insanely jealous…

Five dollars worth of stolen coins were in his pocket. Yugi shook the thought away, trying to rid himself of the pinkish hues that were creeping over his face.

"Yeah, she is cute, isn't she Yug'?" Joey grinned at him. Yugi snapped back to attention.

"Uh, what? Who is, Joey?"

"That girl over there. That's why you're blushing, right? You should go talk to her."

Yugi looked up—and his eyes widened. He actually knew that girl—Saccha Okimoto, from his science class. They were partners… and she wouldn't stop trying to touch him. She was a notorious slut, although pretty. Yugi didn't like her.

He blushed a deep pink. Oh, shoot, how could he have been flushing while staring off into space? Especially at _that _girl? He shook his head vehemently, and Joey grinned, nudging him.

"Come on."

"Joey, no way—Can I help you?"

Joey's head turned. An immediately frown came over his features, blurring all of its preceding jubilance. "Marik," he said bitterly.

Marik grinned widely at him. "In the flesh and the fetish."

"Glad to have your own body?" Yugi asked, making nervous conversation. Joey stared at him, raising an eyebrow. Yugi had the most dangerous habit of trying to make friends with everyone. It just wasn't safe, Joey could tell you. This meant that Yugi was constantly trying to befriend the evil trio of Malik, Marik, and Bakura. Not to mention Kaiba. But Kaiba was an evil all his own.

"Naturally," Marik told him, grinning wider. "And now, Yugi, if you'd be so… _kind… _as to hand over the money you stole from my other half…"

Joey's eyes widened extremely. "Yug'?"

Yugi fingered the hem of his pocket again. "No, Marik," he said quietly.

Joey flipped. "Yug'? You stole something?"

Marik clenched his teeth—just a bit. He didn't want Yugi to know he was bothering him so. "Hand me the money or I—"

"—will send you to the Shadow Realm?" Yugi guessed. He shook his head sadly. "Really, Marik, can't you think of anything different? You don't even have the Millennium Rod anymore! Yami gave it to Mokuba to put in a safe for… _safe_…keeping, y'know?"

Joey looked at Yugi, amazed. He was acting almost like an entirely different person. A shy, but more confident one. But he was being a jerk… maybe… sort of? Had he really stolen something from Malik?

"Yugi," Marik growled, "give me my other half's five dollars back and you'll be left a very happy person… a _live _person…"

To both Marik and Joey's surprise, Yugi laughed. "You have no idea… You… Hah!" Yugi didn't say anything more, but his eyes sparkled with the tinkling of an inside joke. Marik growled.

"FINE!" he roared, scaring several small children nearby. He swooshed his cape dramatically and left.

Joey looked at Yugi, baffled. "Yug'?"


	3. Firepower

dragonlady222- Oh, Yugi continues to be OOC. It's the New Yugi. Like it or leave it… Anyway, to answer your question, Yami comes in later.

Akio the Dragon Master- Nah, he's just bored. I steal from hot Egyptian's when I'm bored, too.

AnimeJunky- Thanks!

yugirules- Yay! Somebody that likes the new Yugi. Thanks for your review.

- glomps Yugi -- You do realize, of course, that now I'm going to use the word "stealy-wheely." Lol. And yes, Marik's cape is sooooooo cool!

BakuraXMalik's Boys- Malik regular Malik, Marik Yami Malik. At least in my book. And stay away from that soda! . One time my friend downed a whole Diet Coke in 2 minutes… she was never the same again…

Dragon-Chamer16- Read your review again. Replace "rod" with…. The other type of rod. It makes your review twice as funny. Just tellin' ya.

Well, Marik was disgruntled, to say the least. He had fled the arcade while looking all badass (he had his cape, after all,) but had tripped over a three-year-old and had scraped both his knees.

That had been last night. Now, it was a brand new day. A wonderful day! A day, as Bakura would say, for stealing (right before Ryou tried to hit him with a frying pan). But Bakura would say that everyday. But today was, as Marik would say, a day for listening to the obnoxious tomb robber.

"Hmmm…" Marik smiled to himself, envisioning his enemy (everyone was his enemy, after all) as a Duel Monsters card. "Obnoxious Tomb Robber, go! Oh no, you have insanely low attack points! I'll just have to throw this card out!"

Marik threw his head back and laughed. "MWAHAHAHAHAH!" Several small children glanced at him curiously.

"What am I, the pied piper? How come all these damn little brats keep following me?"

You smell like peanut butter. Anyway, Marik groaned at the presence of so many small tots, before silently sneaking across the street… towards his destination. The bright green roof of the building supported slanted letters reading _'Kame Game Shop'_.

He wasn't going to go in, oh no. At least, not through the front door. Marik's amethyst eyes narrowed slits, like the eyes of a contented cat. He spied the ladder leaning against the side of the shop.

"This just gets easier and easier!" he thought aloud. "Bakura told me that Yugi once chased after him by jumping out of his window, so if I can just get up to the area of the roof that's next to Yugi's window, I can get into his room… and steal back my other half's five dollars!"

"Why would you do that?" a toddler asked. Marik swiped at him, ridding him of his large, red lolly. "WAH!" The toddler ran away.

"So anyway," Marik mumbled over the lollipop in his mouth, "stealing, from Yugi. Dollars. Yay."

Of course Yami Marik didn't see anything wrong with this. Oh, no. He was evil. This was fun. And Yugi had been acting so pompous earlier, Marik was planning to steal the God cards as well.

He peered inside the glass front of the shop, resting his fingers on the glass. The sun was shining, so it was hot to the touch. An old, short man was setting out some regular playing cards on the table. He appeared to be humming.

_That must be gaki-me's grandfather, _Marik thought. Turning, he slunk around the side of the house…

There it was! The ladder. He hoisted it up against Yugi's garage. He climbed slowly. Closer… closer…

**_BOOM! _**

****

"Yaaaaaagh!" Marik fell backwards. "Ow! What the heck!"

Yugi snickered from his window. "Oops!" he called. "Sorry!"

He threw another tiny firework at Marik. "It's better to close your eyes!" he shouted. "It keeps you from going blind!"

This announcement only succeeded in making Marik's eyes widen ten-fold. "Holy shiiiiiiiiiiiii—" Marik scrambled away from the house. Yugi laughed madly.

"Yugi!" Yami's voice shouted from somewhere inside. "Your grandpa's trying to make me clean the bathroom! Can _you _do it? I'm supposed to meet Tea today and—"

Marik watched Yugi's face change. The wicked grin transformed into a reserved — even sad — frown.

"Okay Yami," he said bitterly. He shut the window and, for all Marik knew, left.

**_Boom! _**

****

Marik still saw this as his chance. He hoisted the ladder up again, and quickly climbed up… only to see a giant firework on top of Yugi's garage.

A giant firework with a really long fuse.

A giant firework with a really long fuse that was now getting shorter and shorter, and now…

"Kuso!"

Marik leapt off of Yugi's garage. The firework flew into the air and blew up loudly.

Marik rolled right _into _someone. And when he stood up, he was vis-à-vis with Tea.

Tea smiled brightly at him. "Hi Marik!" She waved at him, even though he was only two feet away. "Have you seen Yami? …Oh, wait, there he is. Never mind. It's been nice talking to you!"

Tea dashed over to where Yami was.

"…Uh…" Marik was kind of speechless. Why the heck was friendship girl talking to him? _Stupid friendship idiot… _

"Oi! Marik!"

Marik looked up. Yugi was waving frantically at him.

"HERE!" Yugi tossed him something.

_Something to be used against the Pharaoh? Is he throwing me a weapon? _

Yes, Yugi was, but Marik was too slow.

**_Boom! _**

****

Maybe Yugi shouldn't of lit it first.


	4. Crash

Wow! Those were five super-fast reviews from five super-fast reviewers! Thanks! And now your reward… I've updated AGAIN! (gigglez)

BakuraXMalik's Boys- Your reviews are awesome. Thanks for pointing out what you liked.

AnimeJunky- And that would stop you how? o.O Ah, well. Their reviews are funny.

- glomps Yugi-- Yes, poor kawaii Yugi-kun. But Yami will get his.

yugirules- BRILLIANT DEDUCTION, MR. WATSON! (Sorry 'bout that. I just started The Hound of the Baskervilles. Dr. Watson rocks. )

dragonlady222- Thanks for telling me what you thought about the new Yugi. I like him, even if he is angry all the time at something.

Marik growled to himself. He had a hanky pulled around his shoulder, which bulged because of the nasty and grotesque, albeit tiny, bump that had grown there after the incident.

It was a few hours after… _that. _Marik had gone home and told Malik that some rotten toddler had been playing with fireworks; Yugi had cleaned the bathroom. (Of course Malik believed Marik; those tots were evil!) Now the three of them had gone out—not together, but that'll be fixed in two shakes of a lambs tail.

"Mm," Bakura was thinking. "Lamb."

Malik elbowed him. "Shut up! I'm a vegetarian."

"MMMMMMM," Bakura hummed loudly. "MEAT!"

"Stop it!" Malik whined.

"MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!" Marik laughed evilly for no true reason at all other than he just wanted to feel more badass. After all, he was wounded. Luckily Bakura hadn't noticed it yet. If Bakura made fun of him, Marik decided he was going to puke all over the tomb robber's lucky jacket.

…Yes, he has a lucky jacket.

Marik averted his eyes from Bakura, and that was how he found Yugi. Alone. On top of a building.

"I'll be right back," he declared, but neither of his friends/foes listened/cared. He made his way up a ladder that was situated on the side of the building. It was metal; his hands felt scarred as he made his way slowly up. He heard _V6 _playing softly from the ledge where Yugi was. Finally, he pulled himself up and over—

And knocked right into Yugi.

"Oh, sorry." Yugi blushed. "I didn't know anyone was using—Marik?"

Marik scoffed. "I am not 'used'. I am new. New! Do you hear me?"

Yugi hugged his legs a bit sadly. "Okay… Well, I guess you found me."

"What are you doing up here, anyway?" Marik asked.

**_Fzzzzzz! _**

****

Marik jumped. Yugi laughed weakly.

"It helps me let off some steam," Yugi explained. "But it's a secret, right?"

Marik stared at the tiny fireworks fearfully. They were hopping up and down like Mexican jumping beans, sending out colorful sparks every which way.

"Ara? Himitsu ne?"

Marik shook his head. "Uh, right… But why fireworks?"

Yugi shrugged. "They're pretty," he said simply. "They're pretty, and they're destructive, and there are lots of different kinds of them." Yugi eyes snagged on Marik's shoulder. "I'm sorry about that, you know."

"Eh… I'll get you for that," Marik promised weakly. "You know, this is kind of cool. Shouldn't you be wearing goggles, though? You could go blind if a spark gets in your eye… hikari told me about fireworks yesterday, because I asked him, and—"

Marik stopped because Yugi was staring at him with such HUGE eyes. They took up most of his face.

"Did you just say…" Yugi squeaked. "Did you just say all this was cool?"

Marik face faulted. "Uh, no! No way! It wasn't me. I was just saying that fireworks in, uh, what's that word… _general, _that fireworks in general were cool, and, uh…" Marik fell speechless. "Give me five dollars," he said.

"I can't; I spent it. I'm broke until the end of the month, and there's no real guarantee that my grandpa will deliver my allowance in cash, anyway. Usually he just gives me something I want."

"Like…?"

"Like a cheap video game, or some new Duel Monsters cards." Yugi smiled. "Yami will probably be pressing him to give me the latter, anyway."

Marik looked mystified. "So he can beat me?"

"So he can beat _everyone._ Yami has this kind of losing complex," Yugi chuckled. "Unless it's a benefit to everyone, he doesn't like to lose."

"Don't you hate losing?"

Yugi shrugged. "Not so much." He blinked, and then voiced, "I can't believe I'm having an actual conversation with you."

"_I _can't believe you won't give me five dollars!" Marik exclaimed.

Yugi shrugged. "You can't always get your way," he pointed out.

"But it's not even _my _money! It's my hikari's."

"You do everything that Malik tells you?" Yugi guessed. "Man… Malik is _lucky… _I wish Yami would listen to me, just a little. It's kind of like he doesn't care anymore," Yugi shared. Marik remembered the bitter look on Yugi's face earlier that day.

"He made you clean the bathroom?" Marik asked.

"He _always _makes me clean the bathroom!" Yugi groaned.

"So, what you do is, you say you're going to do it, and then just don't and play video games or do whatever it is you do all day," Marik pointed out. "But you have to be sure that whatever you're doing, doesn't qualify you as 'busy'. Like video games. Anyway, when he comes home, you say, 'Oh yeah, I never got around to that because I was _so busy today—_could you?' It's foolproof. I've done it dozens of times."

Yugi blinked. "Wow… That's kind of cool, too."

"MARIK!" Bakura roared. "GET YOUR CAPED ASS DOWN HERE!"

Marik stared at Yugi. "Uh… I'll be back to collect those five dollars."

Yugi waved. "See ya, I guess."

Marik leapt off of the building and landed gracefully, thanks to his cape looking so cool. How those are connected, ask somebody else.

"Marik you idiot!" Bakura shouted, pulling him by the ear. "Don't you eat meat?"

"Of COURSE I do!" Marik shouted, even though all the meat he'd _ever _eaten had really been made out of soy.

"No he doesn't!" Malik cried. "He's lying!"

Bakura grinned at his friend. "MMMMM, MEAT!"

"Stop it!"

Marik looked up. He heard another explosion.

"Hey, Marik!" Bakura poked him in the ribs, hard. "Would you be so kind as to join me? Come on! Say it!"

"MMMMM, MEAT!" the two hummed.


	5. Joey

**Chapter 5: Joey **

Akio the Dragon Master- One of those "covered in bandages one minute and then perfectly fine the next" times. XD And be careful what you type! The muses are fierce. (Muses: (flex))

kenmeishouri- If I what? Lol, your review wasn't very specific, but here's the update I gather you wanted!

dragonlady222- Very good! Wil' Yug' IS jealous.

- glomps Yuugi -- If you only know one thing in life, be sure it is this: Capey-glory is the best KIND of glory. Your funny words continue to befuddle me. It's fun!

Joey had spent the better part of his day watching a new show called _Joey! _and had finally dragged himself out of his house once his dad came home. He didn't want to be in the same area code as that creep, but they lived in the same apartment. Oh, cruel fate! Joey smiled a sad, lopsided smile.

And then tripped over Yugi.

"WHOA! Yugi!" Joey got up. "I'm sorry, Yug'!"

"No problem," Yugi grumbled. "I _love _being tripped over." He sat up. "That's twice today! TWICE! Am I really that short?"

"Well, you were lying down Yug'," Joey pointed out.

"Oh."

"So, about my new job," Joey started, sidling next to his best friend.

Yugi scooted away. "You don't need to sit so close, Tea already thinks we're gay…"

"Oi. Sorry. Anyway, about my new job." Joey grinned. "I'm a—"

**_BOOM! _**

This explosion was not any of Yugi's fireworks. Those had long fizzled out. This explosion was thunder. The two tacitly rose up in synchronization and dashed over to Yugi's house. Soon, pellets of rain fell down in a torrent, stinging their bare skin.

"Owch eech owch!" Joey whimpered as the two flung open the vitreous doors and ran inside. Solomon Motou only looked up briefly, only bothering to greet the two with an informal grunt.

"Amiable, grandpa," Yugi joked as Joey and he made their way towards the towel cabinet. "Very amiable."

"Hn," Grandpa responded.

"Oh, so now you're watching Yu Yu Hakusho? I thought you were complaining about 'those damn kiddie shows' just earlier today," Yugi teased lightly.

Opening up the cabinet with his foot, (it hadn't had a doorknob in a year, courtesy of his mother, his grandpa, one very mischievous light bulb and a spankin' new hammer,) Yugi grabbed two beige towels with some kind of gold trim. He tossed one over the counter to Joey, who promptly shook himself like a dog. Yugi giggled, but his grandpa didn't think it was so funny.

"YOU'RE GETTING WATER ALL OVER THE MERCHANDISE!" he shrieked. He promptly grabbed Yugi's towel and began to dry up the array of water droplets that had flown through the air courtesy of Joey's doggie impersonation (which, it might be added, was quite poor!)

Yugi shrugged and grabbed himself another towel, his affable personage pardoning his grandfather for his… is faux-pas the word? My, but it sounds so _fancy! _Yecch.

"Hey Gramps! Guess what my new job is!"

Yugi smiled. Joey still managed to ignore the spiteful people. That was good. He wished he could ignore the ugly factors in his life, too, but instead he'd ended up making a different Him. Ah well.

"I don't give a rat's ass—"

_Ring ring ring. _

The three looked up to see a thin sixteen-year-old male, slightly epicene, with shockingly white hair that he really ought to cut, make his way into the store.

"I don't suppose…" Ryou started, but it was too late. The fan girls were already squealing. He frowned and tried to envision them away.

"I don't suppose I could stay here until this rain is over?" Ryou smiled guiltily.

"We don't need loiterers—"

Yugi clapped a hand over his grandpa's mouth. "Of course you can, Ryou!"

Ryou smiled and thanked his friend. His warm chocolate eyes peered at the window. Pale rivulets were smattered against the glass.

"Hey Ryou! Guess what my new job is!"

Yugi rolled his eyes. "You never give up, do you Jou?"

"Well I don't understand why people keep ignoring me!"

"Um," Ryou paused. "Are you like… a cook or something…? 'Cause you like food…"

"BINGO!" Joey shouted so loudly that Yugi's grandfather jumped a foot in the air. "I am a chef! I am plenipotentiary in the kitchen!"

"And you must have gotten a new dictionary!" Yugi mused. "Enlighten me, Joey: What does plenipotentiary mean again?"

"It means invested with full power, Yug'!"

"…He has full power over all the food, Yugi!" Ryou groaned. Yugi rolled his eyes.

Joey gave them both a hopeless look. "What? Why is this so unfunny, or funny, or whatever the heck you think it is?"

"Nothing, Joey." Yugi stifled a laugh.

Despite Yugi's tepid assurances, Joey's eyes narrowed suspiciously once his two friends broke out into spare snickers. "Again, what is so funny?" Joey demanded, wishing their snickers were Snickers.

Ryou was the first to answer. "I just can't imagine you cooking without eating everything in sight."

Nodding, Yugi giggled his agreement.

Joey growled. "I'll show YOU!"

Ryou looked confused, and muttered, "Huh?" Yugi looked at Joey with wide eyes.

"Joey," he said slowly, "we were just kidding."

"Yeah, but that's it! I'm not taking this more!" Joey reached into his back pocket, and, amazingly, pulled out a chef's hat and placed it upon his head. "I'm going to make a bricolage potpourri like you've never seen!"

"Yeah," Yugi whispered, "as soon as I make out with Marik."

He had meant to say _up, _but all three of them laughed anyway.


	6. Myoid and milk

**Chapter 6: Myoid and milk **

Oh! I'm so sorry! I wrote half of this chapter last night, but I lost it because somebody turned my computer off, I think. So I had to rewrite it, and it's not as good. But I suppose it'll do. Enjoy!

BakuraXMalik's Boys- Awesome review. Longest one for this fic so far! It totally made me smile. I can think about doing something scary… I don't have a plot bunny for it yet. And I'll definitely check your story out!

AnimeJunky- Sure thing! I'll read it today.

Dragon-Charmer16- Yes, Malik and Ishizu and Odion are all vegetarians. I'm dead serious. I guess everyone in their little hole-in-the-ground got sick of "rat burgers" or whatever. Yay! Somebody insults Yami! And… MMMMMMMMMM, SPARE RIBS!

- glomps Yugi-- No odd words? Wah. And, yes. You will soon find out what Malik has…

Akio the Dragon Master- Joey through a spatula at you? Or was it the munchkins again? OH NO! THE MUNCHKINS! slides under her bed

yugirules- Yeah, we all know that Joey can read. … (starts laughing hysterically)

dragonlady222- I love reading reviews 'cause you always catch what I am meaning to say! Huzzah! And so now I'll just tell you… you'll find out.

kenmeishouri- Ha ha, I was just kidding. I knew what you were trying to say. Thanks for adding me to your faves!

"What about now?"

Tristan twisted his arms in a different way and flexed.

Tea just laughed at her friend. "I doubt any of that is actually muscle. It's probably just myoid."

"Yeah, thanks," Tristan said glumly.

Tea stifled another giggle. Tristan took everything a girl said so seriously. Suddenly, she jumped a foot in the air.

"Tea!" Tristan reached out and grabbed her arm before she fell.

"What's wrong with you?" he admonished. "It was just the bell."

"The bell?" Tea repeated, dazed. "Oh, right! It's right behind me, isn't it."

"It was behind you; now it's above you. Come on; get up. I'll see you after gym class, Tea."

Tea nodded and waved goodbye to her friend. "Alright, see ya!" She started to walk directly into the mess of students in the hallway.

Tristan walked over to Yugi. "Hey, Yug'!"

Yugi looked up from his Rubiks cube. He was showing his perplexed friend Hanasaki how to complete one. "Oh, hey Tristan."

"Is that a Rubiks cube?"

"Uh-huh." Click, click, click.

"Can I try?" Tristan asked. Yugi and Hanasaki both sweat dropped. They were far above insulting their friend's intelligence, but…

"Sure, Tristan." Yugi handed Tristan the cube and watched Tristan mess up everything he'd been working on for the past five minutes.

"Cool! Hey, this is fun."

Hanasaki sighed. Yugi shook his head and sighed as well.

"Hey, Yugi," Tristan said amidst all of his mighty concentration of the humble cube, "Tea wants to talk to you about something."

"Oh."

_At this point, I think I'd rather talk to somebody else. _

"Well, we have to go to gym class now, so…" Yugi trailed off, trying to quash his inner smile. He didn't really want to talk to any girls right now. They always put him down. And he had a good idea of what it was Tea wanted to say.

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaami!"

Marik groaned. "What is it!"

"Could you bring me some milk!"

"Say '_please_'!" Marik taunted.

"Yamiiiiiiiii!"

"SAY IT, DAMN YOU!"

Silence. And then a sigh. "Okay… '_please_'?"

"Certainly," Marik responded, getting up to go get some milk. It was unfair. His hikari wasn't more than three feet away on the couch, reading a book on Chemistry and studying the difference between thymol and amidol while he lay in a nest of comforters. All he had had to do was cough a few times, and he had the whole household believing his was sick.

Marik himself was sick as well, but nobody really gave a damn. Ishizu and Odion both hated him. Not that he really gave a damn whether they liked him or not. The only opinions he respected were the ones of Malik, Bakura…

_And Yugi. Or, maybe. He does have some pretty interesting points, some of the time. Ech, rarely, though. He's such a goody-goody. Stupid Pharaoh's brat… _

"Oh, Yami. Did you happen to get my ten dollars back?"

"It was five, hikari."

"Whatever. Did you get it back?"

Marik growled. "_No! _Gaki-me threw _fireworks _at me!"

Malik paused in his reading long enough to give his younger half (remember, folks, Marik _is _only 6 in real years, though not in mental age) a blank stare. "You're kidding, I presume?" he said, flipping a page of his book.

Marik sighed. "I wish I could say so!" Marik sighed. Marik sighed. Marik sighed.

Malik looked up at him, raising one eyebrow. "What, you depressed or something?"

"Nah."

_I wonder what crazy, idiotic thing Marik's going to bug me with next, _Yugi wondered. Rain pounded against the windows in the gym.

He heard thunder.

_I can't wait to get him again… I think I did a good job last time… sans the incident where he caught me with my fireworks. _

It thundered again. Or, it might've just been his heart.


	7. Confrontations of the fifth commandment

**Chapter 7: Confrontations of the fifth commandment **

Oh, this chapter's a bit longer than the others. Enjoy it!.

- glomps Yuugi – Iya iya da. (Naughty, naughty!) Hm. Stare-ookie and sigh-faction both sound good… I especially like stare-ookie. /giggles/

yugirules- Perhaps… perhaps! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Akio the Dragon Master- Ha ha, you sound like me at my friend Sabrina's house. I stole her jar of pretzels and ran off. Mmm… Utz's Pretzel Stix/has hearts in eyes/ Mmm… Oh, and Gregory seems evil. Tell him to beware! That might cause Jaken-sama to fall in love with him.

dragonlady222- You're partially right, and partially wrong. I won't tell you where you were wrong though.

Dragon-Charmer16- SAVED/whack/ UNSAVED! LOL! I love your reviews.

The school bell clanged, signaling the end of another rather boring week of school. Yugi and Joey stepped out the doors along with the rush of other students, instantly baking in the hot, Friday afternoon sun. Yugi tugged his backpack straps out of frustration habit, and picked up the pace. However, Joey dawdled, wasting time talking to some girl whose mascara was smearing due to the humidity.

"Naw, you still look pretty—"

"Joey! Come on! I'm _dyin' _out here!" Yugi flailed his arms. The girl rolled her eyes and flicked back a lock of her hair before giving Joey a _later, loser _look. Then she sauntered off.

"Awwww, Yug'!" Joey scowled. "Whadja do that for?"

"Let's hurry up and _leave, _Joey! It's boiling out here!" Yugi complained.

Joey waved him away. "_You _go home! _I _have friends to make!"

"Yeah," Yugi murmured, "special friends…" Grumbling, he stepped off of the sidewalk into the street. The pavement had been burning the soles of his shoes. The air was hotter than the dance floor in a music video. Yugi's hair was already damp—and he hated that.

Unfortunately, by the time Yugi was even halfway home, his clothes were soaked. Damp clothes are heavier; he was tired. He sat down on a bench. Normally, the heated wood would've scalded his skin, but he was so wet he didn't notice.

Some small kids came up to him with a hose. He paid them a couple yen pieces to spray him with water. "Aaah…"

"You just proved what I always thought about you, Yugi."

_Oh no. Not that voice. _

"You're all wet."

Yugi turned around and glared at the quondam tomb thief. "Get a life, Bakura."

"I have one, thanks to the Millennium Ring, and Ryou's credit card." Bakura flashed the plastic in front of Yugi's face, slashing at his nose with it.

"Ow." Yugi rubbed his nose. "Why does Ryou even have one of those things?"

"You have any idea how hard it is to pay for everything in cash? Anyway, I was just wondering if you would join me in my Pharaoh-destroying schemes?"

"No."

Bakura began to put on his Pouty Ryou Redux look. "Why not? I know that you hate the Pharaoh."

"Being mad at someone isn't the same as hating him," Yugi tried to explain. He was rather mad at Yami, though. He'd stolen Tea.

_"Hey Yugi!" _

_Yeah Tea? _

_"Thanks for going out with me tonight! It was really fun!" _

_Well, uh… Maybe we should do it again someti— _

_"Hey Tea!" _

_"Hey Yami! Oh, bye Yugi!" _

Bakura scowled. "Fine. Be that way. But you know you want t—"

"I don't."

Bakura scowled again. "Fine. Be that way," he said again.

"I will."

As soon as Bakura left, Yugi got up and began heading home again, this time soaked to the bone with a mélange of water and sweat. However, soon he was in front of his house. Now he was dawdling outside, wondering how mad his mom would be that he got his school uniform all wet. He had just remembered; their dryer was broken. Oh, well. It wasn't like it was his only uniform…

"Koncha gaki-me."

Yugi turned. "Marik."

Marik smiled brightly at him, his eyes flashing bright gold in the sun. "Yes! Miss me?"

Yugi sweat dropped. "Your ubiquity annoys me, you know."

Marik tilted his head to one side. "I'm ubiquitous?" he piqued.

Yugi clenched his fists together, trying to vent his frustration. "Yes, you are," he growled. "I'm sick and tired of you being everywhere I go. I'm wet, I'm tired, and—"

"I like girls that are wet and tired," Marik joked, licking his lips.

"_I am not a girl!_" Yugi screamed with such intensity, it nearly blew Marik away. "Get the heck away from me, you stupid Egyptian freak! I'm not giving your stupid, rotten, pathetic, spoiled, _hikari-sama _back his five freaking dollars! I don't even _have _any American money! I don't even remember how much yen five dollars _is! _And even if I _did _give it back to him, I wouldn't do it through you, you egotistical sonofa—"

Marik grabbed Yugi by the throat and shook him. Yugi shoved his fingers in-between Marik's palms and his neck, but wasn't able to knock his hands off of him. Marik picked him up and threw him on the ground.

"Well I don't need your prissy attitude, drama queer!" Marik scowled.


	8. Confrontations of the fifth commandment2

kenmeishouri- Yugi felt bad about telling that joke. Yugi's a good kid.

- glomps Yuugi -- /laughs hysterically/

Dragon-Charmer16- It's still funny:) :)

dragonlady222- You're still wrong. Yugi doesn't even _like _Marik as more than a friend… yet.

yugirules- And you're partially wrong, too. I love it when people don't know what to expect.

Akio the Dragon Master- You know, now that I think about it, I think it does the same thing to me. Huh.

FurASmile suggested that I do Japanese translations, so here it goes!

**Gaki-me** damn brat  
**Koncha** yo (colloquial shortening of Konnichi wa)  
**Boku no mago** my grandkid  
**Kuso** shoot/shit/damn (worse than shimatta; less rude than chikusho)  
**Hikari **light (Use incorrectly on usually most people use…)  
**Mou hitori no** (blank) the other (blank) (As in, mou hitori no Yugi)  
**Aibou** partner (what Yami calls Yugi.)

"Shut up!"

"You!"

"You!"

"You!"

"You!"

"You!"

"You!"

"Hey you!"

The two turned. Solomon Motou had a broom. Yugi paled. _As if Grandpa can take Marik— _

"Leave my grandson alone, you ass! _Boku no mago _hasn't done anything to you!"

Marik sneered. "Unlikely." Then he ran off, his cape swirling behind him. Yugi growled and got to his feet, entering the house and slamming the door.

Both of them spent the rest of the night wondering why they'd gotten so upset.

Yami came into the room to find Yugi lying belly-down on the carpet, remote in hand, flipping through various sitcoms. "Hi, aibou." Yami flashed a winning smile at his soul partner.

"Hn." Yugi flipped the channel.

Yami blinked. "Aibou?"

"Hn?" Yugi flipped the channel again.

_"Come and knock on our door! (Come on knock on our door!) We've been waiting for—" _

Yugi quickly flipped the channel again.

_"Bite my shiny, metal ass." _

Yugi grinned and sat up. Yami looked at him quizzically.

"Good show," Yugi explained.

"Oh."

"Yeah. So…" Yugi was sitting Indian style, his back to his soul partner. Yami sat down on the couch. "Did you, uh, want something or something?" Yugi asked.

"Just to hang out."

"Oh."

Yugi did nothing.

Yami sweat dropped. "Uhm…"

"Uhm, what?"

Yami's sweat drop slipped a little and grew bigger. "Uhm, are you feeling okay?"

"I feel fine, Yami. Thanks for asking."

"Oh." Pause. "Uhm… 'kay, so…"

"Hn."

Yami shifted slightly. The cushions on the couch suddenly felt like loaves of stale bread. _Weird, _thought Yami. _Why am I likening the sofa to bread? _

"So, uh, Yugi. I haven't seen you very often lately—"

"What about the other day? You told me to clean the bath—oh, wait, never mind. You just called up the stairs, right?"

"Well, I was busy—I—"

"Oh, that's right! Where did you and Tea go?"

Yugi didn't dare turn around; Yami would see how mad he was.

The truth was, Yugi was scaring Yami, bad. In fact, if he had turned around, he would've found Yami twiddling his thumbs nervously.

"Oh, we went to the uh… water park."

"Oh! Tea and I went there once. Do you remember? When the bomber took over the ferris wheel and Tea was on it?"

Yami blanched. "Oh… yeah…"

_And all she did during the last half of Yugi's date was try to get me to come out. And before that, she never mentioned it was a date, even though Yugi almost asked but was too embarrassed. But when I came out, she automatically called it a date. _

"Uhm… We also went to Burger World before that."

"Oh! Cool! Remember that time it got held up?" Yugi piqued.

Yami shifted uncomfortably, his face reddening to a degree. "Oh, right."

"You saved Tea."

"Yeah."

_The mugger had a gun. _

"Where else did you go?" Yugi asked, a satisfied malevolence creeping into his voice. Yami looked at the nape of his soul partner's sweet neck with wide eyes.

"Yami?" Yugi rolled over and turned around, sitting up. He stared at Yami admiringly, an almost cruel smirk on his lips. "Did you hear me?"

_He's… _trying _to make me feel bad… _Yami realized. _Yugi… _

"I'm sorry…"

Yugi's face dropped into an unpresumptuous, blank gaze. "For what?" he asked innocently.

Yami's face burned. "I… uh…"

"What's wrong? You looked flushed." Yugi's voice took on sly tones as he said, "You ought to lie down. Go to bed. You know, upstairs."

_Now he wants me to go away! Well, he's the one trying to make me feel bad… I don't have to take this. _

"Fine," Yami snapped rather abruptly, before heading up the stairs.

Yugi looked satisfied as he laid down, rolled over onto his tummy, and flipped the channel again.


	9. What can make you cute

**Chapter 9: What if I don't know him? **

This is the last time I'll be doing reviewer responses for awhile, due to a rumor that they are not allowed anymore… But just know, that I read and cherish every single review you submit. Seriously. Reviews my life source. So just because I don't respond, that doesn't mean don't review!

BakuraXMalik's Boys- Finally got around to reading it, huh? I've read like, the first 10. Hah/feels slightly superior/ Also, I went to Canada and bought Yu-Gi-Oh R #1, and Yu-Gi-Oh #23 and 24, in Japanese. 'Cuz I've been studying it by myself for 2 years, and… yeah. I like bragging about it. Sorry. /sweat drops/

AnimeJunky- Thanks for reviewin', as always.

yugirules- I try, thanks. Glad you liked that chapter!

Akio the Dragon Master- You rant to yourself at night, eh? I count the bunnies in my head. Sometimes, I could swear they multiply, but I don't like to do math.

- glomps Yuugi -- Whoosh-y? Fun word! And goggling at Marik's cape should be a pastime. It fact, it probably already is.

dragonlady222- You're still wrong! Then again, when Yugi actually starts falling for Marik, he doesn't even know it. But you know how it will end up, anyway. /Is wearing a t-shirt that says 'Assertive Yugi Rocks'/

kenmeishouri- I'm not a huge Yami fan… He's okay, but I'm still mad that he lost Yugi's soul. Even if he did get it back. :P The bigot.

The TV was on. It bathed the living room in a soft, shifting glow. Marik's high, thin eyebrows, his thick eye make-up, his sharp nose and pointy chin were all illuminated softly. His bangs fell slightly into his line of vision, curving over his eyes like palm trees. He was so intent upon concentrating on the white noise in his head that he didn't realize his lighter half was approaching him.

"Marik?" When Marik grunted in response, Malik smiled just kindly enough to lilt without cloying. "I was wondering why you haven't gotten back my money from Yugi? If I remember right, you did say you would do that. So why haven't you—_is that Mtv?"_

"_And if you ask me to, Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird/I'ma buy you the world./I'ma buy a diamond ring for you, I'ma sing for you, I'ma do anything for you to make you smile." _

"I guess so," Marik grumbled. "I mean, it probably is. The remote's broken. This is Vh1, I think."

"Why do you say that?" Malik asked.

"Because there were Vh1 commercials," Marik pointed out. "And I don't think they'd be showing commercials for a different channel."

"Ah," Malik said wisely. "You know I think it's really stupid that Vh1 thinks we want to watch a commercial advertising something we're already watching." Marik and Malik both stared at the screen until the music video ended. As the last threatening notes played, Malik took a good look at his darker half. Marik had the veins in his face stretched out, and his teeth were clenched. He regarded the video tensely. Malik didn't think it was the fault of Eminem, so…

"Did Bakura make you eat spinach again?" Malik asked, placing his hand on his darker half's shoulder. Unlike anybody else in his family, he actually cared about his yami, who, right now, was alternating gazing between the television and the thick, cobweb-like shadows over in the corner of the room.

"Bakura?" Marik didn't emit a response. "It wasn't Bakura, then? Was the Pharaoh bothering you?" Malik was so surprised that rather than taunt his soi-disant better half, he could only look at his dark reflection with anxiety, his mouth open an inch—a mini-gape. Marik was so out of tune with his surroundings… it wasn't like him. Marik was constantly alert, especially when present in the Ishtar household, since he tried to avoid Ishizu and Odion.

Not to Malik's great surprise, and to his medium displeasure, Marik looked pissed once the mention of the Pharaoh came up, and he immediately began explaining. "His accomplice, yes. I broke some stuff in the bathroom. Mirrors." Marik smirked, tried to make his smile long and smooth, his eye-lids half-lidded. But he couldn't manage to look like a psychopath. He just looked like a lonely figure in a costume.

"Shit," Malik sneezed. "Why in the heck would you do that? …Do I sound sick again?"

Marik wiggled uncomfortably on the couch. "Ishizu'll be mad. But… it's uh, your turn to take the blame this time, right?" he observed.

"Are you _uncomfortable _blaming things on me?" Malik snorted. "No wonder everyone hates you. Nobody likes an awkward person."

"The Pharaoh's gaki-me is being troublesome," Marik complained. He hugged his knees and rocked himself gently back and forth. Four identical violet orbs, quadruplets, looked up when the doorbell rang loudly.

****

"That's probably Ishizu and Odion. You get it. I'm going to go see the mess you made in the bathroom," Malik advised. Marik thanked him. (Another sign that Marik wasn't himself.) "No prob, Bob," Malik replied.

"It's Marik," Marik corrected. Malik smirked and made his way to the bathroom. Marik headed over to the door and grabbed the knob. Taking a few quick breaths and bracing himself, he prepared to yell at the top of his lungs at the returning duo of Odion and Ishizu. Marik swung the door open with a vengeance, screaming, _"AWAY, FOUL DEMONS!"_

Yugi blinked at the loud, obnoxious Egyptian in the doorway. Marik blinked, then jumped back. "YOU!" he shouted.

Yugi blinked again and pushed up his… glasses. Marik's eyes widened considerably, causing the veins on his face to pop out. "Um, yes, it's me."

"You're wearing glasses," Marik realized, astonished and at once fascinated.

"Yes; I am wearing glasses."

"Coool…" Ishizu had a pair of reading glasses. Glasses made her look like a dorky-but-cute librarian who was also a klutz. Ishizu wasn't even really that much of a bookworm, actually. "Why are you wearing glasses?"

Yugi blinked. "Uhm? Oh. I'm going to the movies. My vision's not perfect, so I need them to see the screen… anyway, my mom's making me stop here and apologize on my grandfather's behalf. See, he takes medicine, and he kind of skipped it today, and… uh…" Yugi froze. The rest of the sentence was implied, but Marik was just staring at him as if he was a dull statue.

Marik's heart beat a little faster. "Why are you here?" he asked.

Yugi licked his dry lips and looked cheesed off. "I just said. Hey, could you stop staring…?" he suggested, because Marik couldn't tear his eyes away from Yugi's glasses. The frames were thin, made of bright brass. Every time Yugi blinked, he resembled an owl. It was darned cute. _And Marik couldn't look away. _Yugi twitched. "You haven't heard a word I just said!" he accused.

Marik growled lowly, like a dog. "I _have _listened. You apologized for your _grandpa. _You did not apologize for _your _actions, baka no gaki-me._" _

"Me?" Yugi's nose wrinkled. "I know I should probably, but I _won't._" Yugi said _won't _like a little kidding pouting, the same way someone might say, "I don't _wanna_!" Marik stared at his glasses. "Stop it," Yugi said through gritted teeth. "Stop staring at me. Stop everything. I don't understand why you keep bothering me. You don't even _like _me, so why the heck are you always near me?" Now Yugi's voice was higher, a tad hysterical.

Marik just stared. "I… like your glasses, though. And if I like your glasses, I'm going to damn well stare at them, whether you want me to or not. I don't listen to you!"

"My glasses…?" Yugi reached up with one hand and adjusted them. "Oh. Well, thanks, I guess. You suck, by the way, and if you ever come by my house again, I swear that I shall unleash the full wrath of jiichan upon you," he threatened. Marik stared at Yugi.

"…Which is bad," Yugi explained. Marik stared at Yugi some more. The shorter blonde became flustered. He clenched his hands into fists at his sides. "STOP IT!" he yelled. The shorter blonde performed a volte-face and left, walking at a casual pace down Marik's front walk. Marik still stared after him, imagining his glasses. They struck Marik as… kawaii. Yes, definitely kawaii. Not Yugi, of course, but the glasses. They were cute. They made _him _look cute, in a Negi (from Negima!) way. They made him look _cute, _Marik realized. He shook his head. "Okay then… Yugi has cute glasses?"

«Sacre bleu!»


	10. The Chase! Dun dun dun dun dun duuuun!

**Chapter 10: The Chase! Dun dun dun dun dun duuuun! **

«Marik, qu'est-ce que tu as fait ce weekend? As-tu mangé un ananas? »

"HUH!" Marik snapped back to reality, surprised. Had he just been _daydreaming _in _French? _Was Malik saying something important, or being annoying and excursive again? Were the Backstreet Boys still cool? He didn't know!

"Marik, what's going on? Who was out the door?" Malik looked at him with curiosity mixed with suspicion. It wasn't like his yami to daydream. …Well, ok, it _was,_ actually, but usually he was stroking a knife, the veins on his face were stretched out, and he was laughing maniacally _while _he daydreamed. But now his darker half was frowning, and seemed to be actually thinking about something.

"Yugi," the dark-spirited platinum blonde answered finally in a low voice, as if he was making some dark confession that had been locked up inside of him for only a few hours, accumulating guilt.

Malik's eyes sparkled with anticipation. "Did he give you my five bucks?"

"Not exactly."

A vein stuck out on Marik's head. "WHAT?" He kicked Marik in the back of the leg. "GO GET MY MONEY, YOU BUM! GEEZ!"

"Malik, your mom goes to college!" Marik said.

"WHAT!"

Marik ran outside. Since Yugi only had a head start of two minutes, and he had been walking, Marik figured that if he ran twice as fast as Yugi walked, he could catch up to him. Assuming Yugi was walking at one block a minute, and he'd already walked two blocks… It would take Marik two minutes to catch up with him. Math is power.

The night had suddenly become warm. Because of this, swiftly summoned sweat slicked the nape of his neck. Heat made the atmosphere somniferous, as if one could treat the humidity as a blanket, snuggling under it and falling into the arms of Morpheus like a reunited lover. Marik's jog quickly became a walk. He was lucky that he could see Yugi two blocks in front of him. The caped yami dashed with all of his strength towards him, figuring that even if he couldn't stop himself, he could still knock over Yugi and strangle him. Hell, he could use Yugi as a mattress. .. He was tired. (Those two periods are supposed to have an underscore between them. It's a face.)

Yugi heard the slap of shoes behind him and turned around. After catching sight of his pursuer, he quickly looked away, peeved, flustered, bewildered.

_What the heck is he following me for? Oh, puh-leeeeeeeez don't tell me that he's gay and that he's going to say that he likes me. o.o That would just be too cliché. He probably just wants to laugh at me or something. Or maybe it's my glasses. _

Yugi sighed and touched his glasses. Suddenly he didn't feel like going to the movies. Somebody from school might see him and ask about them. Walking through the humid air had tired him out; he wanted to go home now. The sky was beginning to gray, which Yugi knew would swell into black, and the muggy night air would be unbearable. It wouldn't be worth watching the movie if he had to walk through the Hell on the way home.

_He made me feel really self-conscious about my glasses, _Yugi mused._ Everybody does. It's probably because they always slip, so I always have to push them back up my face. I had to banish my right hand to my pocket to keep from meddling with them. Man, I hate glasses… _

_I wonder why Marik is showing such a prolonged interest in me? …Ew, rephrase that: I wonder why he won't stay away. I guess it's because, well, I'm the Pharaoh's other half… He probably wants to use me for the Millennium Puzzle, even though I gave it to Yami to wear as a gift. Ha ha, I still remember falling over and over the next couple of days because I was thrown off balance, since I was so used to wearing an extra five pounds around my neck. He he he… That was pretty funny. I always look stupid. I can laugh at myself, usually. But why does Marik get me so flustered inside? Is it because of the New-Me program? Maybe I should cancel it… _

_But then I would never find out what Marik is up to! _

Marik was creeping up behind the more petite blonde. A dark snicker found its way to his lips; Yugi heard it and turned around. The yami froze.

For five seconds, Yugi just stared back the way he had come. Marik wondered what he was looking at. Then, not seeing Marik behind the tree, he turned and continued along his way.

He was mumbling to himself. Loudly. Marik was immediately struck with curiosity.

Creeping closer, he found that Yugi was still muttering out loud to himself, grumbling. Marik reached out to tap him on the shoulder, scaring the bejabbers out of him, but Yugi said something important first…

"I'm never going to listen to Marik. I don't _care _what he thinks. _Ever!_"

_Nani…? _

Marik froze. _He doesn't care what I think…? How can I instill fear, if he doesn't care what I think? How can I defeat the Pharaoh if he doesn't care what I think? How can I get back the five dollars if he doesn't give a hoot what I say, or who I am, or what I've done to him in the past? _

Marik let out a feral growl of frustration and dashed madly into the bushes. This motion, due to a coupling of the growling and the rustling of many leaves, was quite noisy. Yugi turned around and saw Marik run off.

_I have to find a way to instill fear into the pip-squeak. If I don't, gaki-me will be able to walk all over me. I don't have the Millennium Rod, so intimidation is my only choice, _Marik concluded as he kept running. _I have to think of something…! …Malik says rushing water helps thoughts. That might help. _

_I shouldn't feel guilty… but I do, _Yugi thought. _Shoot. I thought I was past feeling empathy for bad guys. What would Yami say if he were here? _

A Yugi-imagined Yami pranced around in the smaller blonde's brain. _"It's time to DUEL!" _

Yugi sweat dropped. "That's not exactly helpful…" He looked at the place where Marik had thrashed through the bushes, observing. _It seems like an easy enough path to follow, _he thought, and so concluded:_ I should go after him and apologize._ _No, wait, the New Yugi wouldn't do that. …Well, he might… Besides, the Old Yugi wants to and he's more important so there. :P_

Malik looked at the clock. "What the heck is taking him so long?" he howled. "He should've been back here by now. How long does it take to steal something from _Yugi_!"


	11. Koi Pond Powwow

Yugi rushed after his soi-disant antagonist. He found him sitting next to a koi pond, making stabbing motions at the fishes with his index finger. The smaller blonde found it hard not to laugh, and had to place his hand over his mouth.

_Aw, that's cute, _he thought mockingly. He surprised himself by standing there a few seconds longer, watching Marik stab at nothing. Then he shook his head. _What am I doing? Time to tell him to leave. _

Yugi burst out of the bushes dramatically. Then he tripped due to one of his shoelaces being cuaght in a bramble. "Why were you following me!" he hissed, getting up.

Marik turned, his eyes as wide in surprise as some of the lily pads, or lotus blossoms, were in diameter.

"Stop following me! You know I already spent those five dollars at the arcade, so I can't give them back!" Yugi decried. So much for apologizing. If anything, he'd made things worse. Marik glared at him, his eyes two slits. But Yugi couldn't tell if he was angry, or just trying to look moody.

"You're the one who followed _me, _apparently. Did you do so just to castigate me, or is there some other reason that I don't know about?" Marik crossed his arms. It made him look moodier and protected his goose-pimpled flesh from the chill that was out of place in the humidity, yet present around Marik.

"Why are you harassing me, lately?" Yugi wondered aloud. "It's not like you. You don't usually play bitch to your other half like that."

Marik thought the slang word sounded extra rough coming out of Yugi's mouth, as if he'd pronounced it wrong, or it belonged to someone else. Yugi didn't need to be saying those words… he was _forcing _himself to act like this, Marik concluded suddenly. This wasn't gaki-me at all. This was someone different. His words were a mask of some sort that kept chafing Marik underneath his skin.

Before Marik could voice this accusation, Yugi was sitting across from him, jabbing at the water with a stick. "Hey, I can see why you were doing this. It's fun." Yugi smiled. "Poke, poke." Marik stared at Yugi blankly. _"Whaaaat?" _Yugi asked exaggeratedly.

_Wow, his smile is so differently from hikari's. Yugi has a nice smile. …Wow. Where the hell did that come from? But it's obvious that gaki-me is forcing himself to act like this. I can't figure out why, though. He doesn't need to protect himself from anyone. Other people do that for him. I'm someone whom he needs protection against. Protection against me, and Malik, and Bakura, and Kaiba, and me…But I'm the most dangerous one. I should be. But I'm not. _

_"I don't care what Marik thinks. I'm never going to listen to him. _Ever_!" _

"Oi, gaki-me," Marik began. Yugi looked up at him with large, piercing doe eyes. How could doe eyes pierce? Yugi made it possible. "I only care about fear."

Yugi smiled apologetically at him. "That's so typical of you, Marik, to say something that doesn't make sense like that."

_Doesn't make sense? _

"But it has the word 'fear' in it, so you consider it a complete sentence, right? It's your noun and verb, subject and predicate." Yugi grinned. "In a way, you could say that word is yours."

_Mine? _

"How could a word be 'mine'? You don't mean like how Joey coined that phrase 'snufflekai,' do you?" Marik glared dangerously at the smaller boy.

Yugi had to bite his lower lip to keep from laughing. "No… It defines who you are and who you want to be, I guess." Yugi shrugged to add emphasis on the last two words. "Anyway, I followed you to say—"

"Hah! You admit that you followed me!" Marik gloated.

Yugi frowned, brushing a blonde bang out of his face. "I didn't say that," he denied.

"You, 'like, _totally_' did," Marik argued. "You said, 'I followed you to say…' You said followed."

"That doesn't mean anything. Maybe I was talking to this tree." Yugi pointed to a nearby tree. "Or perhaps that rock." Yugi pointed to a smooth, gray stone at the bottom of the koi pond. "Or maybe I was talking to the koi. They listen better than you anyhow."

Marik pinched his eyebrows together. "Is that so…?"

_Why does it hurt, the fact that Yugi doesn't care? Why does it make me upset? Of course he doesn't care. Nobody does. But I keep going. It's good. I feed off of that. So why does my chest hurt from hearing him say that? _

"You have some nerve, saying you don't care what I say," Marik growled, deciding to bring it up. The growling made him feel better; acting intimidating made him feel more at ease.

"Ah, yeah—that." Yugi scratched the back of his head. "I'm sorry about that; didn't know you were behind me… I wouldn't have said it if I'd known that you were there, stalker."

"I am not stalking you. I am simply trying to collect something from you. Like the IRS in America. Both of us can wreck your life."

The blonde shruffed. "Hm, glad I don't live there, then." A thin smile blossomed on his face, obviously mischevious in nature. "…Stalker!"

Marik clenched his fists together tightly, standing up and raising one. "Grr! Shut up! Do you realize how much your 'not caring' would have set me back?"

Yugi took a step back for safety. "Set you back…?" he mumbled questioningly.

"Set me back! I mean, if I can't scare a defenseless midget with a bad haircut, who the hell _can _I scare!"

Yugi scowled at him. "What do you care? The Millennium Items aren't going to be collected anytime soon."

"Scaring people is my way of living alone," Marik told him. Yugi looked at him distastefully, overlooking the confession in Marik's statement.

'That's sad," he said, crossing his arms and looking away.

"Think about it," Marik purred dangerously. "If a cat is cornered, it hisses and tries to scare away whatever trapped it, isn't that right? So the scariest creature on this Earth earns the right to be left alone."

Yugi's gaze spun towards him. "You want to be left _alone_…?"

Marik sighed, rolling his eyes. "What an annoyance. Bakayarou; you couldn't understand. People like me are better left alone. We don't find anybody."

_Find anybody? _Yugi chewed on his lower lip. _Is he talking about… love? _"I can't believe you're talking that way," Yugi said seriously. He hadn't meant to say it as loud as he did, but it snapped Marik back into focus.

"Anyway, I'll _kill _you if you say you don't care again!" he yelled, stretching his veins out as far as they could go. "I'll _strangle _you!"

Yugi made a happy face. "- Ooh, fun! You know I love it when you try to touch me Marik," he joked, standing up to leave.

To leave Marik at the koi pond, where he just sort of fell apart, and stared into space until he remembered to go home.

_…...What the _HELL?


	12. Touching is Good

**Chapter 12 **

Touch is a sense perceived through the skin. Touch can tell us how cool or hot a metal is. Touch can tell us how comfortable a hug is. Touch can tell us all kinds of things. Touch can, by its special spark and the blush it brings creeping over our face, tells us when and where we are in love. But touch can't tell us _why. _

As Marik jogged home, he realized that, other than his hikari, Yugi, and maybe Ishizu and/or Odion on occasion, he'd never touched another human being in his short, six-year-life.

_I say I never touch people, _he realized, _but in reality, I shook Yugi just the other day. That's counts. Skin tingles. _

Marik shivered. He could see his hikari's house now. He started running towards it, full-speed. He didn't want to be outside any longer than he had to, since he had accidentally stepped in the koi pond and his pants were all wet.

Once he got inside, he went into his bedroom. It was not much of a room; Ishizu and Odion were in charge of interior decorating, and both of them hated him as is. Malik was the only one who cared, even the least bit to form an ironic relationship, even a mild friendship, with the man who tried to destroy his soul. But then again, hikaris always looked out for their yamis. Even Ryou looked out for his. They felt they had to, for whatever reason. Marik didn't care right now. He sunk into a beat up leather armchair with slashes all over the seat.

Inside Marik's mind, he had a number of unpleasant things to think about. For one, why Yugi was acting so weird. It had started when Yugi had stolen five dollars from Malik and had refused to give it back. On that day, Yugi suddenly hadn't been afraid of him anymore.

_"—will send you to the Shadow Realm? Really, Marik, can't you think of anything different? You don't even have the Millennium Rod anymore! Yami gave it to Mokuba to put in a safe for… _safe…_keeping, y' know? _

"Okay, so I don't have the Millennium Rod!" Marik seethed. "Geez… I'm still a pretty scary person, aren't I? But then… I wasn't exactly scary when I found out that Yugi was playing with fireworks. I should've gathered blackmail or something, but what did I do instead?"

_"Did you just say… Did you just say all this was cool?" _

_"Uh, no! No way! It wasn't me. I was just saying that fireworks in, uh, what's the word… _general, _that fireworks in general were cool, and, uh… Give me five dollars." _

Marik growled. "Smooth," he told himself. "I ended up giving him advice on how to get out of cleaning bathrooms! But he made it sound like Yami had been ignoring him… good… that could make him easier to exploit—_if _I felt up to exploiting him, but I've already got the mission of gathering my hikari's money, so that has to be taken care of first…"

"YAMI!" Marik heard pounding on his door. "Who are you talking to! Come out here!"

_"Why are you harassing me, lately? You usually don't play bitch to your other half like that." _

"You better have gotten my money!" Malik threatened, muffled by the door.

_"You know I love it when you try to touch me Marik." _

"SHUT UP HIKARI!" Marik threw something at his door. The sound of glass shattering filled his ears, bringing him a sense of inner chaos, an ineffable peace, which muffled his quiet thinking, rendering it inert, blasé, out-of-date. He didn't need to think about Yugi.

_"You know I love it when you try to touch me Marik." _

That was a JOKE! He didn't need to THINK about that!

Marik got up and, adjusting his uber-cool cape, made to open the door to his room. He found his hikari blinking back at him.

"My money?" Malik asked in a guilty-sounding voice. He stepped away from Marik.

_I can scare hikari-sama, so…_

"NO!" Marik slammed the door shut.

_I should be able to scare Yugi. I'll _touch _him_…_ strangle him in his sleep, is what I'll do. I'll… hey, wait. How many times have I actually touched somebody, anyway? _…_ Like, never. Nobody comes near me enough for me to even brush against them. What if Yugi's skin feels gross or something, and so I let him go and he escapes? I'll never live _that _down…What does skin feel like, anyway? I forget. Maybe it's grimy. Besides mine. I'm always clean. - Hygiene keeps my hair pert after all. Hey, that must mean that Yugi keeps clean too… _

Marik opened the door to his room. Loud munching sounds greeted him as he found Malik Ishtar sitting on the couch again, eating popcorn with his eyes glued on some Latin music video. He crept up on his other half silently.

"Hey!" Malik cried half a second later, when Yami Malik grabbed his wrist. "Let go of my wrist, you psycho."

Five minutes ago he was "yami." Now he was "psycho." If intimidating his own hikari was this easy, why couldn't he even get Yugi to whimper a little? Yugi was supposed to be the lightest one—and purity, like a gaseous star, was supposed to be unstable, faulty. No matter; he'd get him tomorrow…

Marik spent the next five minutes tracing the veins on his other half's wrist. Malik's skin felt smooth. The inside of the scared Egyptian teen's mouth became as dry as cotton.

"Yami," Malik uttered gaspingly, "what are you doing?"

"Tracing where I'm going to cut. Piss off."

"…Are you crazy! You can't kill me. Ishizu would—"

"Can it," Marik said glumly.

"Something wrong?"

"You SUCK!" Marik roared randomly. The veins on his face showed prominently.

"…Did you get my money?"

Marik growled. Malik rolled his eyes, as if to say, "_Oh, _I _see. _I _get it now." _Which was apparently what he was thinking, because he then said: "Look, just because you're not strong enough to beat up a midget, that doesn't mean that you can—"

"I'm killing him."

"Pardon?"

Malik looked at Marik, whose eyes were glowing a faint red.

"I'm going to strangle him tomorrow until he coughs up twenty," Marik promised. "Now good night."

Marik retreated into his room and slammed the door. Malik followed him.

"Yami," he said quietly, "forget what I said about the five dollars. Obviously Yugi's acting pretty effing weird or something. I've noticed it too. Just forget it. I'll swindle the money from some other poor sap." Malik shrugged, even though he knew Marik couldn't see him. "Just… really… forget about it. Yugi's pathetic. You just need some time to cool down before you try again…"

_Perhaps that's it, _Marik agreed._ I'll take tomorrow off. I'll spend a day without seeing him once. Where can I go? _

_…My pants are still wet!_


	13. Something Smells Fishy

_Yugi Motou wouldn't be around here, _Marik thought to himself. He was standing next to a smelly fish stand. The repugnant stench alone would assure Marik a leisurely day. Maybe if he stood around long enough, the smell would cling to his clothes, too. _I don't have to worry about him, or touching, or ANY of that stuff. I can just steal some nice fish and… _

"HEY!" The skeevy, one-eyed man running the stand looked at Marik crookedly. "You're not thinking about stealing me'fish, are ya?" The man's shaky voice sounded as if he was gargling salt water.

"Uhm, no sir. Please excuse me." Marik side-stepped the stand and passed it by. _Well, those fish reeked anyway, _he told himself. _And at least I'm not going to see Yugi today! So huzzah! Rejoice! And all that crap. _

"Hey, Joey, how about we buy some food over there!"

_…CRAP…! _

The bronzed Egyptian watched as Yugi and his taller friend made their way over to a stand that was selling crab puffs. After making their purchase, they headed over to an alley. Even though he told himself he wasn't going to, he followed them. After all, if he could get the money to his shujinkaku today, then Malik would have to take back all of things he had said… ahah! So they were sitting on a dumpster!

_o.O So what does that tell me? _Marik wondered, as he watched Joey and Yugi sit on a dumpster and eat crab puffs. Finally, when the two were done, they hopped off of the large metal thing filled with trash (well, how would _you _describe a dumpster?) and started towards the mouth of the alley. Marik made his move.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! –I found you." Marik grinned. Yugi froze.

"Oh, um, hi Marik." Yugi gulped.

_HA! I've scared him. GOOD! Although it's probably Wheeler he's worried about more than me… _

Marik reached out and grabbed Yugi's shoulder. Yugi turned instinctively and tried to dash away, but Marik gripped him hard, so he ended up jerking backwards. His back was to Marik. What if he had a knife?

Yugi started to sweat. _Kuso…! _

"Marik!" Joey balled his hands into fists, squishing the crab puff he had been holding so that his palm was a white, gushy mess.

Marik grinned at him eerily, his mouth as wide and as happy as the face on a jack o' lantern.

"Oh, _hello, _Little Joey! How are you? More importantly—" Marik wrapped an arm around Yugi's neck and pulled him closer to him, "—how is Yugi going to be if you interfere?"

"Leave him alone, Marik," Joey warned. Marik threw his head back and laughed.

"Oh, I will… once he pays me what he owes."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Yugi said flatly. Marik laughed again.

"I think you do… The five dollars you _blatantly _stole from o-shujinkaku-sama. Give them to me!"

"I didn't steal them!" Yugi cried pitifully.

"You did so."

"…I don't _have _it anymore, I told you!" Yugi tried to squirm, but Marik flexed his arm muscles in order to lessen Yugi's air flow. "Hahhh…"

"Marik, leave Yugi alone!" Joey shouted. The veins on the side of his head stuck out prominently. "Listen to me, Marik, before I have to come and get'cha!"

Marik rolled his eyes. "Oh, boo-hoo! You have absolutely _no _power over me, Little Joey. You couldn't even scratch me. I'm stronger than you; I have the powers of shadow… And anyway, I told you not to interfere. It will just make things worse for little Yugi. I—" Marik pulled Yugi closer to him, tightening the chokehold his arm made around the petite blonde's neck, "—I could _rape _your little friend here, and there wouldn't be a single thing you could do about it."

Joey's jaw dropped, speechless. He looked at Yugi, and he could now see that Yugi was panicking.

_He wouldn't, would he? _Joey wondered. _…WOULD he? I mean, this is Marik we're talking about, and he is a sicko, and he HAS been stalking Yugi for the past week, and… _

Yugi pointed his elbow low and stabbed at Marik. If you factor in Yugi's height you can figure out what he hit. -;;;

Joey and Marik both yelled out; Joey from surprise and Marik from pain. Yugi grabbed Joey by the wrist and practically dragged the taller boy down the alley. The alley made an 'I' shape with the main street and a dirt road. Yugi turned left onto the dirt road.

"Come on, Joe!" he said hurriedly, so hurriedly that he was even shortening Joey's name in the event.

"Where are we going?" Joey asked. And then: "Yug', what's Marik talking about? Did you get yourself mixed up with something?"

"Are you likening Marik to the mob? And we're going _as far away _from that creep as possible. Come on, we'll book plane tickets to Florida."

Joey grinned. "Right on! That would be the way to go. We should do that, just you and me and Tristan."

"And Tea."

"If Tea comes than Yami comes too," Joey reminded Yugi delicately.

Yugi looked at Joey with wide, startled eyes. "Oh, you're right! No Tea then," he said in a girly voice. And then he grumbled grouchily: "Let's just go back to my house…"

"Sure thing buddy." Joey grinned. "A video-game playing we shall go!"

"I just got Resident Evil 4!" Yugi told him.

"AWESOME! Let's go!" Joey started to run. He grabbed Yugi's arm and dragged him.

Marik peered around the corner of the alley, watching them walk down the road. He was still wincing.

_Yugi's changing, _he realized. _Joey looked as shocked and disgusted with what Yugi just did as I was. It looks like the mutt and I have something in common: We don't want Yugi to change. _

_But why wouldn't I want Yugi to change into somebody more like me or Bakura? It doesn't make sense for me to want to preserve Yugi's former personality. Unless I just wanted to exploit him, but I have a headache, so I can't do that. Maybe next week or something. _

_Should I just let Yugi change into whoever the hell he's becoming? He's going to lose friends like that. _

_…Wait, what did I just say? …I thought I didn't care… _

_Ah, what the hell. No, really, WHAT THE HELL._

And so Marik went to buy some crab puffs to calm down.


	14. Lucky 7 Plus Lucky 7

It was just a few hours later. Joey had received a phone call from Serenity, and had found out she was coming to visit. Therefore, Joey had to go home and start cleaning the atrociously unkempt apartment that he shared with his dad.

"My dad's not gonna do it!" Joey had joked sadly. "Sorry, Yug', but it's really important that I have the place nice for Serenity."

"Go ahead Joe."

Yugi hadn't minded; Tea had come over looking for Yami anyway and, finding out that Yami was dueling Seto Kaiba, had actually decided to invite Yugi to go downtown with her rather than go play cheerleader for her hero.

They were now at a 4-way intersection, waiting for the light to change so they could cross the street. Yugi was making sure to keep the conversation going every time both of them started to grow silent, not wanting Tea to have time to think about ditching him and going to watch Yami duel Kaiba. She was actually paying attention to him, too.

"You know, I think that Joey likes somebody," Tea started to say. Yugi rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off, adding, "and I _don't _think it's you. I think that Joey likes Mai… I mean, I know he liked her during Battle City and during all of that Orichalcos stuff, but I think he still likes her. Which is amazing, because isn't she dating Varon?"

"Uh-huh."

_Is Varon still _alive? Yugi wondered. _Ah well. I'll talk to Joey about it, maybe, if it doesn't upset him. _

"So, anyway, I found out that Mai is coming to visit Joey along with Serenity," Tea told him.

"That must be why Joey scrambled home to clean. How'd you find that out?" Yugi asked.

"All I had to do was call Serenity, and she spilled everything," Tea announced proudly. "So, yeah! Mai's going to be staying in Joey's apartment!"

"Wacky hi-jinx galore!" Yugi declared.

"Exactly!" Tea laughed. "We are going to have soooooo much fun picking on him."

"Aw, come on, that's not nice," Yugi scolded.

"Yeah, but still! If we don't, Duke, Kaiba, and even Tristan are going to do it for us… so why not?"

"Eh, you make fun of him. I'd rather have Joey mad at you than at me," Yugi reasoned. Tea tut-tutted and rolled her eyes.

"Really, Yugi, if Joey didn't like Mai I'd say that you were afraid to get him mad at you because you're his—"

"MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Yugi froze in mid-step. _Kami-sama, please PLEASE don't let it be… _

"Bow before me, puny mortals!"

_;; It is. _

On the corner Marik stood. He, with his cape, look liked a sort of busker, a street magician with a black hat and bunnies. In fact, people kept throwing money at him, Yugi noticed. One particularly grumpy old lady was aiming her quarters at Marik's temple.

Police sirens began to sound. Yugi's eyes widened. Tea's mouth formed an 'O', and clapped her hand over her it. For a moment, she just started, her blue eyes large, but after a moment she removed her hand. "Marik's going to get arrested!" she gasped.

"No way!" Yugi cried in disbelief. Marik… arrested… what? "Since when have the Domino Police been paying attention to _anything!" _

"I dunno! It's just a really slow day, I guess!" Tea exclaimed. "Should we do something?"

"_Yeah, _we should do something!" Yugi snapped. Before Tea could continue with her panicked conversation, Yugi darted across the road, narrowly avoiding three cars. (- He's so cool, ne?)

"MARIK!"

Marik looked over at Yugi. Grinning, he opened his mouth to say something, but found himself helpless to say anything, as Yugi's disquieted concerned look decimated his confidence. The next thing he knew, Yugi was grabbing his wrist and tugging on it.

"Hurry up!" Yugi shouted, pulling hard. Marik stumbled and started to follow Yugi down what appeared to be an alley.

Those loud sounds he had heard, like wailing babies, came nearer. Yugi started to run, taking Marik with him.


	15. What's necessary?

(drinks punch. "Trash Day" by Weird Al" is playing in the background.)

...THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! glomps everybody I REACHED 100 REVIEWS! (dances crazily) ... (realizes peeps are watching her) ... o.o Uh, ...YEAH! THANKS! ON WITH THE FIC!

**Chapter 15: What's necessary?**

Okay, wanted to clear a few things up. I stopped using _hikari _to refer to Malik because I learned the real word Marik uses for him: _shujinkaku. _It means "primary personality". Marik sometimes uses "o-shujinkaku-sama" instead, which is "honorable primary personality." He usually uses it to be sarcastic. I'll probably use hikari again, though; it's just easier. Alright, so enjoy the fic.

Yugi didn't stop pulling Marik along until they'd reached a maze of apartments. All of the buildings were metal and shiny, reflecting the swollen sun painfully and aiming its beams straight towards their eyes. Yugi reached up with one hand to shield his eyes as he led Marik up a long flight of steel steps. Marik followed quietly, his face pale. What if the police had caught him? Usually the police were busy with all of the gang fights in Domino, but today they had started to come after _him. _Perhaps someone had called a lodged a complaint up the mayor's ass? He doubted it. Ra hated him that day, pure and simple.

So then why was Ra letting him touch Yugi's hand? Yugi was only dimly aware of it himself; his grasp, originally tightened around Marik's wrist, had lowered to Marik's hand. Their fingers were laced, and Yugi didn't even have a clue. But Marik was. He wrenched his fingers free and shoved Yugi's arm away, but continued to follow him.

Yugi finally led Marik up to a door. He jiggled the knob a bit, and the door swung upon freely. He ran inside and made a pulling motion with his arm, as if to say _If you hadn't broken away, I'd of just pulled your arm out of its socket. So THERE. :P _

Marik followed Yugi into the dark room. A moment later the petite blonde flicked the light switch, and Marik was able to see an old television, a queen sized bed with a gray, braided comforter, and three doors leading to two bathrooms and a tiny kitchen.

"Where are we?" he asked. Yugi gave him a superior look.

"_We,_" he began, "are at my aunt's former apartment. She still pays rent for it and stuff, because she's convinced that she'll be moving back 'any day now'. In the meantime, it makes for an awesome hang out for beer parties."

"Not that you've thrown any," Marik shot.

Yugi rolled his eyes. "The point is that I _could. _If I drank. Or if any of my friends drank."

"None do?"

"Nope."

"Not even Joey?" Marik mused. Yugi glared at him.

"Uhm, Marik, Joey doesn't drink period. His dad's an alcoholic, so he swore he was never going to drink, ever…" Yugi paused for a moment. "Actually, this would be an awesome place to set off fireworks indoors."

_Whoa now. _Marik reached over and punched Yugi lightly in the head. "_Don't,_" he advised.

Yugi grinned. "Aw, is wittle Marik afraid of some fireworks?" he crooned. Marik stepped back, disgusted.

"Don't ever do that again."

"Okey-dokey!" Yugi said in the same babyish voice. He went over to sit on the bed. "Whew… You know, Marik, you can't just wreck traffic and then stand there. I mean, usually the police are too busy attending to all the robberies and stuff that go on downtown, but I guess today they had enough free time to come after you. And then one day somebody will give the police a description of you, and you'll have to go on the lam and grow a beard." Yugi grinned at him. "And that would look pretty funky, on you."

Marik squinted his eyes, indicating THOUGHT! Omg. "On the… _lamb?_"

"On the lam. It means on the run from the police. Any more questions?" Yugi leaned back against the pillows and grinned, obviously enjoying the fact that he knew more than Marik.

"Would you turn in a description of me?" Marik asked. He had to.

Yugi looked surprised. "Um… No, Marik. I wouldn't do that to you—Malik, Ishizu, and Odion, I mean, it would make them look bad, and yeah—so—no." Yugi rolled over to face away from Marik.

He heard Marik's footsteps, assuming that Marik was going to use the bathroom or something. Even so, Yugi had this inanely strong feeling that somebody, if not Marik, was staring at his butt. Eventually, he became so convinced that he rolled to tell Marik to cut it out, only to find out that Marik _had _gone to the bathroom and that it had all been in his head.

Yugi shook his head. His blonde bands shimmered in the dusty light. "Why did I help him?" he asked himself aloud.

"I wonder the same thing."

Yugi got off of the bed and looked Marik full in the face, which basically meant he had to stand in front of Marik and tilt his head at a 72.5 degree angle.

"Maybe it's because you're just a total _loser,_" Yugi tried. "The Domino Police are some of the most _incompetent _officers in Japan! If you were actually caught by them, can you imagine the embarrassment you'd have to face?"

Marik pulled his lips into a tight scowl, but didn't say anything. Yugi turned and sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the TV. He knew that the TV would work, but he didn't feel like turning it on. Again, he felt that paranoid consciousness gnaw at him, telling him that someone was staring at him. He turned.

Marik was indeed staring at him, leaning against the opposite wall with his arms crossed and his eyes trained right on Yugi.

Yugi shook his head a little. _It doesn't matter; it's just Marik. It isn't like he's going to REALLY rape me or anything like that. That would be crazy, and I can't see what Marik would get out of it, except, uh, that. _Pause. End awkward train of that.

Marik's dark lavender eyes burned a whole in Yugi's side. Yugi shivered uncomfortably.

"Hey, stop staring at me," he said defensively.

_Oh yeah, good one. The New Yugi ALWAYS tries to sound that lame. _

Yugi groaned. "No, really Marik. Cut it out!"

Silence filled the air. Silence is not paranoia's best medicine.

_It's just Marik, _Yugi told himself. _I don't care whether Marik is staring at me or not. Are my clothes messy? Does it matter? Errg, he's making me PARANOID! _

Now that Marik knew that he was bothering Yugi, he poured all of his energy into making his eyes as blank (and thus mysterious) and dark (and thus threatening) as possible. He imagined that he could slice Yugi open with his mental strength. Invisible eyebeams were conjured. Finally, Yugi turned to Marik, his mouth open in a whining stance. He brushed his bang out of his face and opened his mouth to say something.


	16. The politics of blushing

"What?" Marik asked irritably.

"I…" Yugi's voice faded. "Forget it." Yugi sunk down to the floor. Then he looked up, trying to look for a radio.

_He looks red, _Marik observed. He decided to ask about it. "What's that thing you're doing?" he demanded.

"What?" Yugi mirrored absentmindedly.

"That thing with your face," was Marik's vague explication. He pointed rudely at Yugi.

"Descriptive," Yugi grinned. "What thing?"

"That red thing."

"Something on me' face?" Yugi asked, doing an impression of a leprechaun. He looked around. "Is there a mirror around here?" He raised a hand to his cheek self-consciously.

"Your whole face is red," Marik said. "You're not going to explode, are you?"

Yugi blinked at him. "Oh!" he exclaimed. And then he burst out laughing. "I'm _blushing, _you idiot!"

"Don't call _me _an idiot, gaki-me," Marik growled.

"Stop calling me gaki-me!" Yugi protested. "I am not a damn brat."

Marik stared at Yugi. "What's gotten into you, Yugi dear?" he lilted sarcastically. "You _never _swore before."

Yugi looked at the floor. "Shut up. I'm not letting you walk over me, baka."

"Baka-me."

"Quit it!"

"Fine."

Yugi looked up. Marik gave him a large, catty grin. "Just tell me why people blush."

Yugi blinked. "You don't know?"

"Um, I'm evil. I'm not allowed to do… that thing with my face, I think," Marik said unsurely. "It's against evil's protocol, I'm sure."

"Hate to tell you this, but you're doing it right now," Yugi protested.

"I am?" Marik looked surprised. To Yugi's surprise, Marik reached up and felt his own cheek, just like he had. "So, why are we doing it, then?"

Yugi shook his head. "Kami-sama, rephrase that."

"Why are we blushing?"

Yugi sighed. "People blush when they're embarrassed or humiliated or something."

"So why are you embarrassed?" Marik asked, genuinely fascinated.

_I don't know, why am I embarrassed? Why does he make me feel stupid? _

"Because I'm locked in a room with _you. _You're bound to make fun to me," Yugi said, a bit too briskly. "Why are _you _blushing?"

"Because you helped me. For no good reason. I thought we were on bad terms."

Yugi stood up and tried to maintain some dignity. The New Yugi would do that. "We are," he declared.

"So how come we're not insulting each other?"

"You _really _need to take a psychology class," Yugi suggested.

Marik growled. "Don't tell me what to do. I won't listen to you."

"Fine. In that case, please rape me."

"Gaki-me!"

"Oh, stop calling me that, 'you fool.' Like my imitation of Bakura?"

Yugi had imitated Bakura flawlessly. Marik was amazed.

"Yes, actually. It suits you well. 'Cuz now you're evil Yugi."

"I'm not evil. I just don't want people pushing me around."

"Then how come you're blushing?"

Yugi stared at Marik. "What are you talking about? I'm not still blushing, am I?"

"Uh-huh." Marik picked at the fringes of the blanket on the bed. "So, let me get this straight."

"What's straight? You're not straight."

"Ha, ha, that's a good one," Marik laughed drily. "Now, _my _job is to be _nicer, _and _you're _trying to be _meaner._"

"So?"

"It's just weird, that's all. I always thought you were all true to yourself, or some goody-goody goop like that."

"Goody-goody goop," Yugi repeated, grinning. "I like that."

"Whatever."

Marik seemed disinterested with him now, so Yugi just stalked around the room, trying to find a radio. He wanted to listen to some music, have his mind taken off how self-conscious he felt, the blushes that had been on their faces, the way Marik's fingers had twitched slightly when Yugi had informed him that he was blushing.

"I can't find a radio," he grumbled. He turned to Marik. "You know, we can probably leave, now. I doubt the police are still looking for you. They probably won't even bother with you. After all, you're so… not evil." Yugi shrugged in immediate apology for his lack of eloquent vocabulary. "Un-… pernicious. You know. Whatever."

Marik stood up. "Then what the hell are we still waiting for, then," he growled.

"_ 'We?' _" Yugi laughed. "I'm not leaving yet, baka. I'm going to find a radio."

"Like hell you are." Marik grabbed his arm and dragged him outside. "Now help me find my o-shujinkaku-sama."

"No chance in heck, stupid." Yugi stuck out his tongue and started to walk away. Marik lost his temper. He punched Yugi in-between the shoulder blades, knocking him too the ground. Then _he _left.

Yugi waited a few minutes, than stood up and dusted himself off. "Thank God that's over," he said aloud to himself.

Both Yugi and Marik, as they walked home, were blushing.

_Hi peoples! Sour Schuyler here. …Well, duh. But anyway! I wanted to shamelessly ask you all to PLEASE take a look at some of my other stories—I know that some of you do—but in particular, Playing House. My friend, Maiden of Time and Space, and I, worked really hard on it! So… please? We'd like a few reviews. She and I would really appreciate it! And don't forget to review this chapter. :P_


	17. Excuse me?

_Small note: I just want to thank all of my reviewers! (insert happy face) Partially because you all seem so cool, but mostly because I "heart" reviews! And you know… you don't have to review just the latest chapter, you can review them all…Hint HINT, nudge NUDGE. ("Accidentally" nudges you too hard and you fall over.) Bow to me! Mwahahhaaha! O.O Um, since I got 100 reviews a bit back, I'm making this chapter longer. That's my thanks for y'all, like it or not. Anyway, thanks y'all! So, drink plenty of Gatorade and help me stock up on reviews! O.o _

_-Sour Schuyler, the Skittle fanatic _

A bit later, Yugi was all nestled up against his pillow, his back to the headboard, reading a book of fairy tale parodies. _I Am _by hitomi played softly from the small stereo next to him.

_I wonder where Yami is right no— _

"_Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugi!" _

_Yami? _Yugi looked up but, to his immense disappointment, it was not Yami there, but Tea. "Oh, hey, Tea," he said coolly, trying to mask the disquietude that came over him when he saw the _immense _grin on her face. A grin that big couldn't bring any good.

"Hey Yugi." Grin.

"Um, what's going on?" Yugi looked around his room. "Did I uh… Did I miss something?"

Tea shook her head. And grinned.

Creepy.

"Nope," she started to say, "but I missed something earlier. I can't _believe _you didn't tell me that you were going out with Malik's yami!"

It actually took Yugi a second to comprehend this sentence, as he was already half-neglecting Tea in favor of his fairy tale book. "Oh, well—"

Luckily, Yugi wasn't anywhere near the edge of his bed when the announcement Tea had made to him reached the nerve center of his brain, or he would've fallen off and yelped. As it was, he yelped anyway.

"WHAT?" he yelled. Screamed, actually.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tea demanded, shoving him playfully. Her sapphire eyes shimmered with excitement and a certain pink mischief. She sat down on the edge of Yugi's bed, taking care to make sure that her underwear didn't peek out of her short skirt as she did so. To her cautiousness, Yugi said damn. …Mentally of course.

"That's ridiculous Tea!" Yugi argued, throwing his book at her head. It was a soft cover book, so it didn't hurt her much when it caught her face, dead-on.

"Is it?" she asked mischievously, tweaking her nose back into place. "Because I think _somebody's—" _she wagged her finger at him "—is trying to _conceal _the truth!"

" 'Somebody's is?' " Yugi pointed out.

"You know what I mean. Now tell!" Tea grinned at him and pushed him lightly again, urging him to tell her.

_What the fack! _Yugi voiced this.

" 'Fack?' " Tea teased.

"Shut up," Yugi snapped. "You don't know anything! We weren't… running… I was just helping him get away from the cops! I owed it to him! I stole money from Malik!"

Tea giggled. "You wouldn't do that!"

"Well, I did," Yugi stated gruffly. "Okay? Now go away."

"Stop lying!" Tea laughed. "You can't hide it, I already know. That's why Marik was over at your house when I went to meet Yami for our date, wasn't it?"

"Whut!" In cartoon world, Yugi's eyes popped out of his head. Scooping them up in his hand, he positioned them in his palm so that they stared at Tea. They blinked. In "the real world" (which is really a more realistic cartoon world anyway) they just grew to an astonishing size, probably the size of… um… oh, for the sake of comedy, let's say the asscheeks of a particularly large baboon.

"And I called Malik, and he said that ever since Marik's been trying to get some money from you—"

"The money I stole!" Yugi insisted. "You see, Marik's been harassing me—and actually, this one time, with Joey right next to me, he threatened to—"

"Whatever. Ever since he's been trying to collect some… dues from you, Marik's been acting, quote, 'really fucking weird'." Tea grinned like the Cheshire, possibly even wider because she had just used a 'naughty swear word.' "And then you two ran off the other day! Even if you _were _running from the police, I didn't see you again for four hours!"

_That's because I spent three of them looking for YOU! _

"We…" But Yugi lost his voice. "I left that place after an…" He lost it again. "Tea, you're…"

"I'm right, right?" Tea grinned.

"Yeah… right."

Yugi had meant it to be sarcastic, but for some reason he couldn't form any sarcasm in his voice. For some reason, his throat was threatening to swell shut. For certain, though, he was _really _mad at Alexander Graham Bell for creating the tool that Tea had used in her investigation.

"I'm right?" Tea grinned. "Oh my gosh! Yugi! This is so great! I _knew _you were gay!"

Tea gave him a voracious hug. Yugi would've tried to shove her away, if he still wasn't largely attracted to her. That, and her jugs were in his face. Bad Yugi!

"I… uh… yeah…"

_Shit. _

"Sure…"

_No! Say no! _

"Cool! So, how long have you two been going out?" Tea asked, smiling brightly at him. "Does Yami know?"

Just then, Yugi heard a door slam downstairs.

"No," he said quickly, "Yami doesn't know."

_OH-OH! Oh-OH! Scotty Doesn't KNOW! …Wait, why am I thinking about that song NOW? O.O _

"Yami doesn't know," Yugi repeated, "so please don't tell him. It's my job to do that."

Tea nodded, imbibing Yugi's every word excitedly. A pale sweat drop slunk down the side of the blonde's head. "Uhm… and we've been going out since last week," he added, the lie spilling out like water from a pitcher

"KAWAII!" Tea cherred.

Yugi sweat dropped. "Er, yeah, sure. Whatever."

Then something amazing happened.

Yugi forced himself to smile. Since he'd been doing this a lot lately, practicing around Yami in particular, it was a beautiful display; Yugi positively beamed at Tea. Poor Tea and Yami didn't even know that Yugi was quite the little actor, nor did they understand what drama they were a part of. In the world of cheerful theatrics, Yugi had become king.

For the record, he wasn't exactly sure why he was going along with this, but hey, if it made Tea happy… even if her "character" in Yugi's little spiel was the yaoi-obsessed, slightly-annoying but attractive interloper.

"Marik's a really… different… person," Yugi found himself saying. "I guess that's what I admire about him."

_I do admire that about him. _

Tea opened her mouth to say something. "So, have you two—"

The door swung open. "Hey, Yugi—"

"—yet?"

Yugi's violet orbs eyes enlarged. One of them twitched. Because he knew what Tea had asked, even if Yami had interrupted her. She was _so gross!_

Ignoring that, he smiled brightly at Yami. _Ok, Tea's here, let's look like we're thrilled that she's talking to you, Yugi! Because you are, and Yami's expecting that. _

_But isn't that why I made the New Yugi? So I wouldn't have to do what people expect? This is kind of hard to explain, though. I already lied to Tea. She'd hate me if I told her I was just screwing with her. …Ok, that was a cool sentence. In the future, I should use that for shocking effects at every opportunity. Wait, what am I…? Oh, right. Yami. _

Yugi grinned at his other half, a large grin. Whether this grin was sincere or not, Yugi wasn't sure; was he happier to be cut off from Tea's random array of explicitly uncomfortable questions, or was he happier when he was having fun spinning lies? It was like spinning a blanket; lies, like wool, can keep you warm. Lies can also shed light on the obscure darkness of inner comprehension; when you realize something is a lie, you have to have something true to compare it to, so that you know that it is, in fact, a lie. Yugi would soon find that out. But he wasn't thinking that far ahead yet.

He did like the fact that Yami would feel guilty from seeing him next to Tea.

"Hi Yami!"


	18. False!

"Yami…"

Yami Marik looked up from his spot on the couch. He had been entranced in an episode of this strange show that his shujinkaku called _Friends. _

_Phoebe… Yum. She looks hot! I wonder if gaki-me watches this show. Wait… No I don't. _

Marik had been fervently denying any thoughts he had about the gaki-me, Yugi Motou. Even though he'd been thinking about him a lot. Too much. Particularly, his touch.

_How can an organ tingle like that? _

Why, yes. Marik had become so infatuated with skin he'd looked it up in the encyclopedia. He now knew that skin was an organ. Let's all clap for him for a minute, okay?

…

…

…I don't hear those hands!

…

…

…No, seriously. I expect you to clap. This is a great achievement for our little Marik!

…LOUDER!

Geez, you guys are weak. Anyway, Marik was slightly smater now—er, smarter.

"Yami!"

Marik looked up into the curious violet orbs of his better half. "What is it, Malik?" he growled.

"I heard a rumor that you're '_with' _that Pharaoh's brat."

"Pardon?" Marik raised his eyebrow at him. He was getting pretty good at that, actually.

"_With. _As in, dating." Malik drew up his left eyebrow like a taut string.

Marik mentally pouted. _Damn it! Malik's better at that than me! _

"That's not true."

"Uh-huh…" Malik glared at him suspiciously. "So why haven't you collected my five dollars from him yet?"

"He spent it in the arcade the day he stole it from you," Marik explained.

"How do I know you're telling me the truth?" Malik demanded. "You're not exactly the most honest person."

"Are you thinking of the snowball incident?" Marik whined.

"I _am _thinking of the snowball incident," Malik declared.

Marik made whimpering sounds like a kicked puppy. "I told you, that wasn't my fault."

"And that was a lie. You _knew _that the toaster would cause a fire and melt all of the snow—"

"Look, let's not talk about this now." Marik held up a hand and stopped his hikari before he had to relive the whole entirely-strange incident. "The point is, the information that you got was faulty. I am not, nor was I planning to be, nor will I _ever _be, '_with' _the one you call the Pharaoh's brat, the one I call gaki-me, Yugi."

"Why not?"

This question took Marik by surprise. Malik sidled onto the couch next to him.

"Phoebe's hot," Malik observed, grabbing a few corn chips from a bowl Marik had set on the nearby coffee table. Marik growled.

"_My _corn chips," he growled.

"Not anymore, _loverboy," _Malik teased. He set the bowl of corn chips in his lap. Oh, what I would've given to be that bowl! …I mean… Ahem… Anyway…

"Why don't you tell me what's really going on between you and Yugi, and then you can have your beloved corn chips back," Malik dared.

Marik rolled his eyes in return. "There is _nothing going on _between me and the Pharaoh's gaki-me."

"Oh yeah? Then why are you blushing?"

Marik growled. "I am _not _blushing!"

"You are so. You're going out with him, aren't you?" Malik popped a couple of chips into his mouth and crunched them loudly.

"It's news to me!" Marik attested. "Yugi and I aren't in that kind of relationship. We're merely 'acquaintances.'"

Malik's eyes lit up. "That sounds rehearsed!" he said gleefully.

Marik's eyes flooded with guilt. _Wow, _he thought glumly, _that really did sound rehearsed. But I'm not going out with gaki-me, that's just silly and presumptuous and even radical. But hikari seems to think I am. _

"Who told you this 'rumor' anyway?" Marik demanded. "Was it at least somebody trustworthy? Somebody whose word you would take against mine?"

Malik scoffed, "I would take anybody's word against yours!"

Marik's face fell glum. "Thanks a lot."

"And, just so you know, it was Tea."

Marik's eyes widened. "Tea…?"

_Why. _

Malik paused, expectantly, and his face adopted a worried expression when he didn't see Marik kicking his legs in the air and rolling around in a fetal position, giggling maniacally as he revealed his revenge plots on Tea Gardner.

Marik searched inside of him. Nothing. Not even a hint of a revenge plot. He could envision the color rouge on flesh, that "blushing," but nothing of Tea, except maybe her blushing. _Why aren't I as mad at her as I should be? _

"Yeah, Tea. Look, I'm not mad that you're gay; that's all good and stuff; keeping an open mind is what helps the world go 'round. At least, Ryou says that, er, said, only once, during an incident… surely you remember when Bakura tried to feed his lesser half rat burgers?"

"I remember," Marik said glumly. He hadn't even heard what Malik had said, lost in his own thoughts.

"Just don't go kissing the little guy in front of me, okay?"

_Did anybody see Syrus on YGO GX? (squeaaaaaaaaals) I say that for the 1st time tonight, and now I'm a fannnnnngiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl…Seriously, though, Syrus looks like a cross between Yugi and Ryou. If Ryou got a sex change and Yugi and he had a child, SYRUS WOULD BE THAT CHILD. I'm so seriously. O. He's so cute, it's eerie. Not necessarily in a bad way… (insert happy face here) _


	19. Of Geesens and Piercing Parlors

A/N:

I wanted to put the short lyrics of "All the Love in the World" by Nine Inch Nails right _here. _But I didn't because I don't think I could get away with it. When I am an author, I'm going to have quotes at the beginning of all my chapters. :) But until then, if you could just go and look them up, I'd appreciate you wasting your time. The lyrics are cool, and I think that, BESIDES the chorus, the lyrics had some things to do with Yugi's confused point of view. But, even w/o the song, this chapter is special: it's 5 pages instead of the regular 3. It also has somewhat of a cliffie. (Can you spoil something by saying there's a cliffie? Ah well.) It started off innocently enough…

"Earth to Yugi! Come in, Yugi! You there?" Joey waved his hand in his friend's face. "Yug'? Are we heading downtown or what?"

Yugi snapped back into focus. "We—we are downtown Joey," he pointed out, stuttering slightly as he adjusted to reality.

"Yeah, but we're not at the game center yet." Joey wiped his hand across the nape of his neck. "Geez, I'm sweating already. How about you? It'll be worth it, though."

"Some," Yugi admitted. And then: "I guess." He was more caught up in his own affairs to really get excited about going to the game center for the first time this weekend. Normally Joey and he ended up going their at least three times every weekend. The owner gave them discount prices for tokens because of the frequency of their visits, as well as their local fame, which drew some customers. This could actually prove pretty annoying, as occasionally some of their fans would try to follow them…

_Marik follows me too, _Yugi worried.

"Alright, so let's hurry then!" Joey took off down the sidewalk, shoes slapping the pavement in a constant rhythm. Yugi followed at a slower pace. Joey's footsteps sounded like the beating of a heart.

Yugi snorted. _If that's a heart, it's running away. Runaway hearts! Lol. Wait, did I just THINK 'lol'? Eh, I'll just stick with runaway hearts. Crazy 'nuff._

/What's that/

Yugi's jumped and yelled. Startled bystanders asked him if he was alright. He assured these people him that he was feared spiders as well as hated clowns, and that he had merely spotted seen a spider clown crawl into the sewers. Yugi ran off, his cheeks as rosey as if they had been slapped by a cold wind. His mind sent out a message via Spirit Mail (which isn't downloadable. Sorry.) /Yami/

/The one and the same./ Yugi heard him snort. /What did you think? 'No, this is somebody _else _talking to you through your mind.'/

Even though Yugi himself had become increasingly vitriolic during the past few weeks, he was still unamused by Yami's sarcasm.

/Are you alright/ Yami pondered. /You mentioned something running away…/

/A heart./ Yami communicated confusion, so Yugi went on to say/I said a heart was running away. I meant it in a metaphoric sense. See, Joey's footsteps sounding like a heart beating, and—oh, chotto matte, he's calling me to catch up to him…/

Yugi dashed after his friend, thinking furiously. He began to (without realizing it at first) confess things unpremeditatedly. (_You _can't believe that's not butter. _I_ can't believe that's a real word.) The trouble with telepathy was that it was rather messy; thoughts were communicated as dependably as runny paint… which had the same consistency as Yugi's sentences: runny.

/Yami, I--/ (Pant, pant.) /What do you do if somebody may like you and you don't know--/ (Pant, pant.) /--whether you like them back, or should give them a chance, and what do you do if some other people already think you're dating that person and _what _do you _do, _Yami/ He regretted asking as soon as he did, but he knew it was for the best.

The mental link seemed to flicker for a moment, and during that moment, Yugi's eyes opened wide and his heart skipped a beat. _Yami! He died! What else could break the mental link? And he never told me where he hid my pocky stash! The JERK!_

But, a second later, Yami responded. /Sorry about that; Tristan accidentally slammed me into a counter./ (Yami was hanging out with Duke today, having claimed the heat was too much for him… a native _Egyptian._ (Baka.)) /Pocky is not that important, Yugi./

Yugi pouted. (Kawaii!) /Is so. And how do you get 'accidentally' slammed into a counter/ Yugi fumed.

/By hanging out with someone whose elbows are as big as Tristan's/ Yami explained laughingly. /Yugi, why didn't you tell me somebody liked you! If they like you, you should give them a chance. Like Risa… No, bad example. Terrible example./

/…/

Yami probably sweat dropped. /That didn't help, huh/

/That's basically everyone who has ever liked me "that way" anyway. They all just want something./ Yugi sighed. (A/N: Risa-unreleased season-used Yugi. Now you know.)

"Is something wrong Yug'?" Joey's suspicion and concern merged to create a mixed facial expression. "Hey, I'm serious! I've never heard you sigh so sad like that before in my LIEF! …Er, life. Are you sure you're alright?" _Vikings are cool, _Joey thought.

Yugi did indeed look sad. His purple eyes were trained on the sidewalk, while his flaxen bangs shaded them, making them look large and dark. His flaxen hair, as usual, stuck out at odd angles, and so in Joey's mind he was likened to a habitually-kicked Chihuahua who had gotten into a jar of hair gel. Yugi sighed again, flicking a bang out of his face, and then wincing when the sunlight penetrated the skin that bang had been shading. He tugged it back into place. "I—"

His groaned _loudly._ Joey stared at him, surprised. Yugi smiled sheepishly. What happened next was, Yugi changed his mind in mid-sentence several times:

"Maybe I'm just hungry. Tell you what, Joey, I'm gonna go get something to eat… but I _know _you just ate, and don't deny it." Yugi stuck his tongue out playfully. "But I'll probably come back, ok? I don't feel all that well… if I'm sick, I'll go home."

Yugi squirmed under Joey's astonished rictus. He forced himself to look Joey in the eyes and smile.

The tall blonde shrugged his shoulders. "Oh," he siad, "maybe you're coming down with something."

"I'll probably be okay, it's just that I actually ate grandpa's cooking yesterday," Yugi joked. "So if I die, I want the stone to say, 'Here lies Motou Yugi, killed by pasta luigi.'"

Joey laughed. "Sure, pal! I'll see you later, okay? I might go down the beach later, so if I'm not at the gêsen, look for me there."

Yugi smiled and nodded. "I'll look for you at the game center first. See ya Joey!" Yugi waved over his shoulder as he walked away.

/Aibou--/

Yugi clutched his heart area in half-feigned surprise. /Where did you come from/

/Er… the recesses of your mind/

/Sounds corny/ the young blonde quipped.

/I don't like corn. Anyway, aibou, you need to figure out if you like this person or not. If they aren't the sort of person you usually like, or would want to be friends with, then forget them… why would people think that you're going out already? Are you at the gêsen yet/

/But it seems like it goes a lot deeper than that/ Yugi interrupted, not bothering to answer Yami's question; he wasn't exactly sure where Tea had gotten that crazy idea, anyway. He was concerned for himself: his trammeled thoughts tied to Marik more and more lately. It wasn't as if he was really thinking of him in a romantic way, more as in an appreciative way. But he shouldn't…

/You know that feeling when you're not sure if you like someone, and because you feel pressured to figure out your own feelings, you tend to choose fast and make the wrong decision? Like you don't really like the person but because you mentally discourse about them so much, you trick yourself into thinking that you do like them/

Yami expressed regret through the link. /Sorry… no idea./

The questioning party turned a corner. /Well, you know when you feel about as useful as a rock? Let's start with that./

/That feeling I do know./ Yami admitted bitterly. Yugi smiled. Smirked, actually.

/Then, do you know when you're confused and you hate it? And it makes you feel sick/

/Yes… /

/Combine that with a crusher, and you've got what I'm saying. Two more questions: You know how you love pocky/

/…Aibou, I don't see what this has—Well, _duh… _You're like insane about it./

/Yeah/ Yugi smiled brightly. /But here's a riddle: what else do I like that's hidden inside of my room? It's flashy and colorful and I use them only sometimes because I might get hurt./

/…What/ Yugi grinned, knowing that Yami would soon have to realize his negligence. /I have no idea. What is it/

/I'll give you a hint: it's something really, really dangerous./

/Yugi, are you on dru--/

/Ah-ah-ah! I'm not telling you. But no, not drugs. Go find out by yourself. Good luck; they're hidden but good. Thanks for talking to me…! I appreciate it/

It was a bright July day when Yugi smiled and severed the link; it was time to feel better. But where could he relax for a bit? Although Yugi's mind didn't know the answer, his feet sure did; they just seemed to _go. _

Marik wasn't sure what the hell happened. He had been begrudgingly accompanying. Malik to a place to get his belly button re-pierced, and, while there, he had thrown a fit in the store, shouting about the edibility of shampoo and why Harriet Miers had pulled out her nomination. (Nobody knew who she was, however; this was in Japan.)

Malik had claimed not to have come in with him, and that their physical likeness was a coincidence. …People had believed him, too, which was just plain moronic.

…Want a replay? Of course you do.

"I don't _care _whether shampoo isn't a condiment! _It's tasty!_"

"Marik, calm down!"

_"SHAMPOO SHOULD BE WORSHIPPED LIKE RA!" _

"…Uh…" Malik turned to the owner of the piercing place. (What do you call that place? _I don't know._) She was a lady with blond hair; her flaxen bangs forked at obtuse angles, displaying her broad forehead. She had an eye patch, a stomach thathung over the side of her ripped-at-the-seams jeans, a cigarette dangling from her mouth, and the general appearance of a fat man-pirate.

"…I didn't come in with him," Malik lied.

The lady shrugged. She whistled loudly through two fingers. Nobody came. Since this didn't work, she turned sharply and glared at a hulking figure in the corner. "EDUARDO! Get your butt up and throw this pillow the (not nice word) out!"

…_So._ Marik was outside. He power-walked aimlessly, thinking about glasses on blondes who didn't pay back their debts. Soon, he looked up and saw the apartment.

One moment, he was been "just looking," then next moment, he was opening the door. It squeaked open.

And once it was open, Marik gaped at what was on the other side: he found a surprised Yugi, twiddling his thumbs… and wearing his glasses.

**_Review! Onegaishimasu. I know it took me a while to get this chappie up… gomen nasai. It was a combo of laziness and difficulties. Uh, a Japanese term was chotto matte: wait a little bit. _**

**_Again… _**

**_REVIEW! Onegaishimasu! Puh-LEASE tell me how you liked this chappie… or what you liked about it… or whatever! Just review! - I'll give you angel food cake!_**


	20. Unbelievable jerk

A/N: What do you know, I ran out of angel food cake just before the first review. ;P Got this chapter up quick, didn't I! Quicker than usual anyway. - Good job for me!

"Uhhh…"

Marik didn't realize it, but that nervous whistle was coming from his own lips. He tried to starve the anxious feeling in the pit of his stomach. Yugi was there; so what? As far as Marik could discern, they were still on unfriendly terms, and there was no room there for whatever the hell Malik and Tea thought there was.

Right?

Marik raised an eyebrow at Yugi. "Thinking about me?" he joked. This was not starting off well.

Although Yugi laughed a tiny bit at the entirely too-unfunny joke, he grabbed his stomach lightly when it started to hurt. He _had _felt a little sick; he hadn't completely lied to Joey after all. And why would he have? Joey was his friend. Marik, in contrast, was not his friend. Memories of Joey. Thinking of Joey. Happy Joey. Good cheering-up-person.

Arg, this wasn't helping. He had ditched Joey.But he was Joey! He would never completely lie to Joey, because Joey was his friend!

_But I did leave to come back here, _Yugi admitted guiltily to himself. _To preserve a memory. But of what? _"Yeah, right, baka. Like I'd ever slep with _you." _

_Did I just say slep? I just said slep! He's affecting my speech! Ohh… This is bad. This is very, very bad. _

Marik's face fell. "My better self told me some things," he admitted; a blush rose warmly on his face. It was interesting how fast the yami could become rosey.

"Yeah?" Yugi shifted uncomfortably. And then a blush flared on his face. _Kuso! I'm sitting on a bed! How wrong does this scene look! Why do I care? There's nobody here to see… To see what? Damn it Yugi stop thinking that way. _

…………………………………Images.

_Eeep! _

"You think Malik's your better half, huh?" Yugi joked.

"I'm told so by many people." Marik grinned wickedly, and he even went so far as to introduce the facial stretch and protruding tongue that had, Ninja Froggy had noted, been sorely missed in the duration of this fanfiction. He walked over towards Yugi. _Sit next to him on the bed so he'll have to listen. Kill him. No, just tell him what Malik said… _His gaze softened. "Um, um, Gaki-me, Malik told me… uh…"

_Don't sit next to me please don't please don't, _Yugi inwardly prayed.

Malik didn't. He stopped in front of Yugi. _Gaki-me has his eyes squelched shut. He looks sick. _Marik bit his lower lip. "Er, Gaki-me, listen. Malik told me that Tea called him and said that we were doing stuff. What's that term? Oh… doing stuff…_ together_."

Yugi's same confession came pouring out in a gush: "Tea attacked me in my room and told me that she thought we were… yeah," he admitted bitterly. "Well, no… actually she just said that we were dating. But whatever! She _asked. _Isn't that _rude?_"

Yugi inwardly cursed himself for sounding so bitter. _Kuso! I sounded so annoyed. Is that bad? Why is this so much harder, liking a guy? WAIT A SECOND! When did I decide I liked him? On the way over here? Just like that? Was there a PTO meeting about it? Why don't I know? Is the Chinese government trying to hide their problems? Why didn't the Astros win the World Series? This is hard. Why does it have to be so different and wrong? Just like Marik usually is. I… I can't open my eyes. _

He didn't want open his eyes, because the New Yugi was not going to, _could _not, falter, and he was afraid that he would if he did. His eyes opened slightly, but he shut them tightly again soon after this. Marik was staring at him, arms crossed, a bored expression on his face.

"So?" the Egyptian prompted.

Yugi's eyes snapped open. "So what?"

"So what am I supposed to say now?"

"_We_ are supposed to laugh at them!" Yugi said. He forced himself to keep his eyes open and look at Marik, in the eyes, in the eyes… He was _this _close from a nervous breakdown, and needed more time to file the loose sheets of paper in his heart than he needed to do his physics homework. Or maybe he just need Marik to move _away _from the bed! "We're supposed to laugh, and then—"

_"Dame mas gasoline!" _

Music played rather suddenly. Marik took a few steps back, away from the bed. "What the heck?" Marik looked startled. Yugi laughed a bit.

"Oh, that's the radio," he explained, and he felt better. "I found it. I didn't think it was working, though. I'll—I'll shut it off." Although he stood up and hastily scrambled towards the radio, Marik took two steps towards him and grabbed his shirt easily. "Gaki-me, chotto matte—"

Yugi pulled, _hard,_ as if he was struggling to get away from Marik. Marik lost his footing. Yugi spun around, surprised that the pressure on his shirt had slackened, and then he raised up his hands to keep Marik from falling on him. It was too late; they ended up crashing to the floor. Yugi's hands, he couldn't help noticing, were on Marik's chest.

_Mo kuso, _Yugi cursed. "Ow…"

Marik had had the breath knocked out of him, and although he tried to get up right away, something unbelievable happened.

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

Oh, you actually wanted to know what it was? Yugi kissed him. …That's all.

About five seconds later…

"You're an _unbelievable_ asshole!" He shoved Marik away with just as much anger as he felt. Marik fell over backwards; this was an astounding feat when one considered that he had just been delicately balanced on top of a hottie ½ his size. Yugi could be strong when he was mean.

Yugi stood up and he glared at Marik. Marik could do little but stare at the arresting look in Yugi's violet eyes. Purple swirled vehemently like a whirlpool under the influence of an angry water god. His face was a solid scarlet. Was he blushing? It didn't look the same… He looked angry.

"Gaki-me—"

"Stop calling me Gaki-me!" Yugi shouted angrily. "And for that matter, stop talking to me! Just stay away from me! Idiot!"

_Oh. _

Marik sat there, repeating that to himself. "Stupiiiiiiiid…"

The Old Yugi and the New Yugi worked together to slam the door shut on his way out.


	21. I Swear A Lot

_Woot! I got like, 4 reviews in one day. - Huzzah! So, I'm updating this now as a taken of my appreciation. Anyway, so let's recap: Yugi kissed Marik, and then Yugi got pissed. Why? Where does Yugi get off? Oh, don't you just WISH you knew. . . You'll find out. Soon. I believe I got some new reviewers now. Thanks to you guys! I think you'll know who you are? _

_(chews on cookies given to her by Sister to the Egyptian Psychos) Mmmm. . . coooookie-ness!) _

_The Cookie Crisp lawyers: (give me a sharp look) _

_Hey, hey! I didn't say it! I said 'cookie-NESS.' Now beat it. I also don't own YGO. _

_The Cookie Crisp lawyers: (power-walk away and grumble)_

Much in the manner of an animal that had been left on its belly, Marik clawed himself into an upright position. He rushed to the door. He called out Yugi's name.

The addressee was already halfway down the steps. He refused to turn around just yet. "WHAT?" he shouted, obviously very cheesed off.

"Why did you steal five bucks from Malik?"

Yugi glared at his feet. "To be different!" he shouted. He looked up. Some woman was hanging lingerie from her apartment. She stared at him. In an effort to appear busy, Yugi stared back scathingly. This old woman was anorexic skinny, but still beautiful in a frail way, with shimmering gray hair down to her knees. However, let's remember that she was _old, _dagnabbit. To be frank here: her sight was goin'. Yugi glared back at her, and she cringed, probably thinking he was some sort of unusually large, talking bird.

He turned to Marik, bellicose. "Why did you threaten me in front of Joey?"

"To be mean!"

Yugi fell over. The force of Marik's frank, blunted response had caused him to sweat drop. But soon afterward he growled, and the sweat drop boiled and the fizzled, finally making a loud popping noise as it exploded out of existence. "Baka!"

"Why did you kiss me?" Marik said, softer, but loud enough for Yugi (and the woman, who know looked at Marik, whom she thought was a very large Doberman) to hear him.

"To be. . . to be. . . Argh! It's obvious, baka!" Yugi shouted.

_Liar! You didn't even know yourself and— _Yugi squished the thought with his mind and tossed it away, yelling, "Are so. . . stupido. . . I think!" _Wow, great job. That's not even a complete sentence. _

He reddened. _I had my conscience. _Yugi turned and darted down the alley. . . and all the way home. Like a little piggy. A little piggy with a confusing homosexual back story. O.o; Marik didn't follow after him. Instead, Marik just stared at the wall across the street like it had kicked him. He was the piggy that ate roast beef. :) Meat! Unfortunately, you can't talk when you're eating roast beef. . . and Marik had choked.

"DAMN IT!" Yugi screamed as soon as he got home. His grandpa dropped a board game he was holding. Dice, cards and a spinner made a tumult on the floor.

"Yugi, why did you say—"

"What _is _it, Grandpa?" Yugi griped loudly and petulantly.

The old man's affable eyes grew wide, and even fearful, for Yugi had never, so far as he could remember, come home in such a sour mood since that one time his shoe had been eaten during baseball season by another kid in the fourth grade. But those days were over now, and in _these _days, Yugi Motou did _not _come home acting like he owned the world and everybody was supposed to get out of the way for him. It was only natural for Yugi's grandfather to act according to the outrageous nature of this strange outburst, although he did so very meekly, in a way that radiated timidity more than it did paternalism.

"Er, Yugi, what's the mat—" But his efforts were crushed.

"Nothing!" Yugi stormed all the way to his room and slammed the door shut. Solomon's eyes enlarged. He was incredibly startled by his grandson's overly harsh tone and lack of propriety. (VOCABULARY MAN, AWAY! . . .School's inside joke.) Yugi wasn't one to swear. Ever. Of course, he didn't know about New Yugi, or about Marik, or about Tea's assumptions.

"Who was that?" Yami asked, coming into the room. He was polishing his Millennium Puzzle, something he had taken to doing lately. Lately the Pharaoh had been complaining that it wasn't shining as much as it used to, as if something it had once possessed had flittered out of it, a gossamer emotion or a petite ghost. Something had left it less shiny; it didn't feel complete, and it hadn't for the past couple of weeks. Just long enough ago when Yugi started to lose faith in him — and in the Puzzle. "Somebody come in to complain about something we sold?"

Grandpa narrowed his eyes at Yami. "_I _sold it; you haven't even been home all week. And that… that _thing, _that was my Yugi. Go and talk to him. I can't, he might bite me. He did it once in the fourth grade. I still have the scar," he added, grumbling. "Stupid shoe-eating kid making my grandson act violent. . ."

Yami blinked, trying to understand what the old man was saying. After several minutes of thinking about shoes, he decided that the best way to find out would be to check out for himself. So he obediently marched faithfully upstairs to Yugi's bedroom. He opened the door to the sight of Yugi biting his pillow. Yami knew Yugi only did this when we was insanely angry and feeling rabid himself. The only other times he had ever done if were, once because of Kaiba, and twice because of Tea. But Yugi was crying at the same time.

"Yugi, what on Earth—"

"SHUT UP!"

Yami fell over. "What did you say to me?" he asked, frazzled. Yugi glared at him. Yami had never seen such bitterness in Yugi's eyes. At first he thought maybe Yugi had been possessed, but a quick soul check told him he was wrong.

"I told you to _shut up, _baka-me!" Yugi lambasted.

"Yugi, what's going on? You don't swear—"

"I swear a lot lately. You wouldn't know, would you? You're too busy hanging out with Tristan and Duke and all of _your _friends to take _any _notice of your surroundings! I—I could be dating _Marik _and you wouldn't have any idea!"

"I hope not," Yami chuckled. Yugi's stare was deadly. "So, um. Why are you sad? I'm sorry, I'll pay more attention to you from now on."

"Okay, but. . ." Yugi propped himself up with one elbow. He now took on the air of one bored with a certain conversation, who continued the conversation only because it was glib, not because it was interesting. "I'm not telling you. And don't read my mind, either. That would be cheating. Why don't you find out why I'm upset the way normal people do?"

"How do they do that?" Yami wondered aloud.

Yugi glared. "They figure it out for themselves!" He pressed his face against the pillow. The fabric was soft and smooth. . .

_Just forget all about him. You don't have to think about him if you don't want to… and at any rate, you can cry yourself to sleep histrionically; act dramatic._ Yugi sighed—or was that a yawn? No, he wasn't feeling sleepy yet. . .! He was too busy hating Marik. . .! _The New Yugi would act dramatic. . . _

He passed out almost instantly after that thought.


	22. Acting Dramatic

Yami stared at his sleeping aibou's form.

_What's gotten into him? _he wondered. _What could have gotten under his skin, so much? _

_I guess I haven't spent a lot of time with him this week… _Yami searched his taffy stretch of memory, trying to remember the last time him and Yugi did something together this week. _Maybe I didn't spend any time with him this week… or… the last one… or the… no, I must have done something with him the week before that, right? Didn't we watch _Night of the Living Dead? _I should have spent more time with him, though, and for that I should apologize, but… I didn't realize… he shouldn't be so mad, should he? I wonder what it is that's bothering him. Maybe it's me and Tea? Or maybe he likes somebody else that turned him down…Most everyone he's ever liked has: Tea… and… uh… Well, actually he hasn't really liked anybody except for Tea… Well, ok. There was the random girl here and there, but he never asked any of them out. Except for HER. But they just made out during science class, and then Tea put a stop to THAT… _

_Why does it bother Yugi that Tea never pays him any attention? Most people would be happier that way. Not that I'm one of those people, but… _

The real problem Yami had wasn't what was bothering Yugi, but whether or not Yugi even liked him anymore. What he should have realized was that those two problems, for him, were the same. He didn't realize that it wasn't Tea's attention Yugi wanted.

A slight shift of position in his flustered soul partner's restless sleep summoned Yami's attention. He could look upon this as a game, he decided; that way, everything would come easier to him.

_Well, if aibou wants to challenge me to a game, then so be it! I never lose. I'm going to find out what's on his mind without having to mentally penetrate him, if it takes me all week! _Yami stood up, struck a pose and smiled, looking extremely retarded. Two seconds later his smile melted off of his face; in its place was a look of stark horror and disgust.

_…Ew, mentally penetrate, _Yami recoiled_. That sounds like I'm raping his head or something… _

Images flew.

_EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!_

Meanwhile, Marik was sitting in his room, wearing a gloomy expression. It wasn't much of a room; various library books that the family had accumulated and had never returned (even Ishizu was at fault for this) littered the octagonal floor along with several math tests of Malik's, all of them stamped with an 'A' or a 'B.'

_O-shujinkaku-sama, _Marik figured, _is pretty smart._ _Maybe he could help me. I wish this had never happened, and I wish it had. Aw, screw it; I like Yugi. Aw, man, this is sad. Bakura is going to taunt me for weeks, and I'll run out of vomit after I spew on his shoes twice or so! Oh man… _

_Maybe I could still act badass and say that I'm just trying to use him to get to the Millennium Puzzle. _

Yugi's bittersweet face struck a chord in his memory. He could imagine Yugi peering at him with his puppy eyes, through the lenses of his glasses. Those _kawaii _glasses. And he knew he couldn't do it. Damn it. U.U '…_U.U?'_

_Yugi wouldn't like that… And I actually care! Hn. This is worse than I thought. ... 'Hn?' _

"Yami?"

Marik looked up to see Malik, leaning against the doorframe. "Is something wrong?" Malik asked.

"It's Yugi." Marik looked around. _Was that ME? That didn't sound like me! I sounded depressed._

Malik's amethyst eyes became huge and vitreous. "It's Yugi?" he repeated, astonished. "So you mean to tell me that what Tea told me was true?"

"Uh… It wasn't true… _yesterday…_" Marik explicated lamely and with compunction. His hikari stared at him with his large, lavender eyes.

Malik kept staring……………..And then, Malik totally flipped.

"_DUDE!" _

_'Dude?' _Marik wondered. _Hikari-sama is weird. Am I doing that blushing thing now? Probably am. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiot. _

"Why didn't you _tell _me!" Malik squealed. Marik raised an eyebrow. "So you're going out now?"

Marik growled. "No!" he snapped. "We're not going out! Ever."

"But _dude,_" Malik said, correcting himself when Marik growled at the repeating of that word. "I mean, _Mar._" More growling. "_MARIK!_" Malik screeched._ "You could've had a BOYFRIEND! That's actually close to a SOCIAL LIFE! To you know how proud ISHIZU would've been!_"

Marik snorted. "O-shujinkaku-sama, I don't think it's any of Ishizu's business whether Yugi turns me down or not."

Malik's eyes grew wide; his jaw hit the floor. And Marik thought, _Oh, shit. _But it was too late.

"_He _turned _you _down!" Malik repeated, dazed.

"You're acting like Tea…" Marik tried to remind him, but Malik wasn't listening.

"Dude, you got turned down by a midget. By the _Pharaoh's hikari. _Do you know what that means?"

Marik soughed uncharacteristically. "That Bakura will hang me by my toenails?"

Malik shook his head—then changed his mind and nodded. "Probably," he agreed. "But it means that you just lost to your polar opposite. If you lose to your polar opposite, doesn't that mean that you're the epitome of a loser, because they're the epitome of a winner? Tell me why he turned you down," Malik sighed. "Man, you must've been _so close!_"

_To what? _Marik wondered, bewildered. "Not really. I--"

"Well?" Malik looked at him expectantly. Marik rolled his eyes and blushed, embarrassed. His hikari was acting like they were both girls and Marik had gotten his period first and had to tell his friend what it felt like. O.O;;; So, yeah. Odd feeling for Marik. ………………….O.O;;;;;

"Uhhh…" _Where do I start? …The end seems like a great place to start. _"Uhhh, he kissed me. And… I… I didn't kiss him back?"

The thing that had made Yugi the most hurt, was something that Marik hadn't done. Just a tiny osculation Marik hadn't returned. _Yugi's feelings were hurt, _Marik thought. _I care. _

"That's it? Why not?" Malik leaned in, trammeled in the 'suspense'. (What a dork.)

"Uhhh, you see, I… can't… um, don't know how to… uhm……… kiss."

Malik blinked. "Oh, really?" He smiled brightly. "Well that's easy enough to teach."

"To… _teach?_" Marik looked at Malik, bewildered. "Hey, _wait a second—" _

Malik leaned in.


	23. Sherloch Yami

Author's note: Hear ye, hear ye! This is important, fo' shizzle! I'm glad everybody's been enjoying this fan fiction so much! It's one of my few stories to make it past 100 reviews. Tell your friends about this fic and tell them to review. ;) But I'm not here to try and brainwash you. I'm hear to tell you something that might make some people sad. If it does, I'm doing my job right. This chapter is the second-to-last chapter. The next chapter is _the end, la fin, Das Ende, owari, slutten. _It's an especially long chapter, though, and I think that it's a pretty good ending, all things considered. I'm _really _glad that everyone has been enjoying this fan fiction so much, and I just wanted to thank all of my reviewers, including the ones that I reviewed nearly every chapter and the ones that have just started reading this story. I love y'all! …In a, you know, non-romantical way. O.o;;

Japanese:

Shine- die;

Boku ga kirai; (you) hate me;

Wa boku ga kirai; as for (you,) you hate me

As it so happened, Yami did not have to wait long for his particular "game" to come to an end. Three days later, his light and he were walking toward the _gêsen_, where they were going to meet Tristan, Joey, and Tea, and then "go get sushi or something." This plan didn't entirely suit Yami; there wasn't anything competitive about sushi, you see, unless you counted Joey and Tristan's fourth monthly sashimi eating contest… which Yami didn't, because he wasn't in it.

"Maybe we could go bowling afterward," Yami considered.

"Uh-huh," Yugi said apathetically, trying hard to listen but just unable to keep a grasp on Yami's one-sided discussions. Yami had been true to his word; he'd spent tons of time with Yugi ever since he figured out that Yugi was upset because of his absence. For that, Yugi was worlds happier, knowing that Yami was truly sorry; he just couldn't seem to show it. He was a lot less angry than he had been those few days ago; now, he was just bland, unable to focus, very quiet, trying to pay attention to the man who he once again considered his best friend. All of that was about to change, though, right about… now.

"Or maybe we could go bowling _before! _Or, wait, isn't that the game where I dropped that big ball on my foot? What do you think Yu…" Yami paused, "…gi?"

A shadow hulked over them… sorta. Marik was kind of too skinny to do any hulking, but he sure tried. He gave them a scary rictus that more than made up for it; he also stretched his eyes out like taffy.

"Hello, _Pharaoh,_" he greeted in his static, menacing voice. "I need to borrow your little friend there."

The Pharaoh jumped. "That's mine! You can't touch it—"

"He didn't mean _THAT, _Yami!" yapped Yugi. (A/N: XD Yami's so stupid!) This caused Yami to comically jump again, this time even higher.

"Oh… Sorry." Yami's ears turned beet red. Marik took a full three minutes out to laugh at him, while Yami stood there embarrassed and Yugi stuck his hands in his pockets, bored.

"AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHHAHAHA—Okay Yugi, let's go."

Abruptly, Marik grabbed his official crush's arm and dragged him down an alley.

"……..Blink." As stated, Yami blinked, suddenly realizing that Marik was dragging his aibou down a shady-looking alley. There was even a female bum doing dance solos on the dumpster. If ever there was a time to spy on Yugi, this was it. Yami seized this opportunity, dashing after the two… and nearly running into the bum. Then, he ran _around _the bum, and then followed after the two more carefully. A few seconds later, he turned and hid behind the side of another dumpster, sans the bum, except for _his _bum, which was still attached. Ten feet away from the other side of the dumpster, Marik had Yugi up against the wall. He was holding him by his neck at first, but when Yugi first started to choke he moved his hands downward, and pressed against Yugi's shoulders. Yugi was not very happy about all of this. Yami couldn't hear all of what Yugi was saying, thank goodness—

"You motherf— shine— boku ga kirai!"

Yami's eyes widened. "Where did Yugi learn to use such rough language?" Yami asked himself, tut-tutting and shaking his head. "It must have been from Joey…"

"I just wanted to talk to you."

_"For what? To make me cry again?" _

Yami winced. _Well, there's clue one, _he noted mentally. _It is Marik's fault. _

"No, I just wanted to fix something."

"Are you telling me that you think _I _need fixing? Your brain is like one huge inoperable brain tumor!"

"I'm gonna fix your mouth if you don't shut up and LISTEN TO ME! Rrr." Marik scowled. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry." He let Yugi's shoulders slip a little, but felt Yugi's steadfast resistance and pushed them back again. "I know what I did was really rude… and… uh…"

"Stuff. Say stuff. It would be funny," Yugi egged him on sarcastically.

Marik scratched his head with a third arm that came out of a plothole and then disappeared. "Er, right. I know it was rude and stuff, but, see, I had a reason."

"And that reason for making me go home and scar my grandpa and scream at my yami and swear a lot, and the reason for stalking me for the past week and hectoring me for money that isn't even in the national currency, and the reason you didn't do anything, _anything _at all, is—"

Marik was quiet He dropped Yugi, who stood against the wall, looking up at Marik with uncharacteristic haughtiness. Then, the platinum blonde went on to say, very eloquently: "Look, I'm not sure why I stalked you, either. Malik just wanted his five dollars back, and I just thought you were a neat person to follow. Also, I… uh…" Marik pretended to adjust his pretend spectacles. "I kinda have a thing for your glasses…" He sweat dropped as he said it.

Yugi blinked twice. "But I only wore them once."

"Twice," Marik corrected. "They were quite cute…"

Yugi sighed. "Yeah? And what else? Are you saying you like me or something?"

Yami leaned in and tried to hear better. That stupid bum was done dancing and was now singing Britney Spears '_Hit Me Baby One More Time' _in a high, nasally falsetto that rivaled a stray cat wailing.

_What did Yugi just say? Marik likes what? _

"I…" Marik paused to think about this. "I don't know if I even want to know the answer to that. But, to answer your other questions, I… Uh, I… I didn't do anything because I…" Marik turned red.

"…Wa boku ga kirai," Yugi finished for him. Marik shook his head.

"I don't think I could hate you anymore," Marik confessed. "Not after seeing you in those glasses."

_What? _Yami struggled. _Something about molasses? _

Yugi glared at him, a hawkish glare. Marik half-expected him to start tapping his foot impatiently. "I… uh…" Marik blushed and looked at the ground, his voice softening. "I didn't know what to do…"

Yugi blinked, evidently confused. "When?"

Marik didn't want to use the word _kiss, _so instead he just blurted roughly: "On the floor."

Yugi blinked. "Oh. Then?" Marik nodded. "How can you _not _know what to do! You did all right. It all depended on how you felt. You don't like me, and so you just sat there. You did perfect. In fact I'm glad you didn't laugh at me, because I'm not even sure I liked you _then._"

Marik gulped. "Well, uh… actually, gaki-me…"

"Yugi. My name is _Yugi, _thank you. That's _yu, gi. _Two kanji. It means 'game.' Maybe I should get my own meishi? Everyone else can remember my name just fine."

Marik nodded. "Right. Yu…gi, um… see, I…" Marik looked up at the sky. "DAMN IT! I AM MARIK AND I AM EVIL AND I CAN DO THIS WITHOUT BLUSHING! DARN YOU FACIAL EXPRESSIONS! DARN YOU!"

_What happens next? Review!_


	24. First End

**Chapter 24: The end!**

_I was very surprised to get a review at 6:50 in the morning. O.o; But more importantly: this is the last chapter. Yup, that's right. The last one. I hope y'all like the ending. Also, there's one last Japanese phrase I still have to explain from the last chapter… it's **meishi**. Meishi are Japanese business cards. Let's say, for example, your name was "Keiko." Well, the name "Keiko" can be written at least a hundred different ways, using different kanji. Since meishi have your names on them, they show other people how your name is spelled with kanji._

_I'll miss y'all. Please leave one last review. :)_

And that's when Yami solved the mystery. Because right after Marik started yelling at the sky, he put one arm protectively around Yugi's shoulder, leaned down and kissed him right on the mouth. Yami managed to watch for five whole seconds before throwing up, as Malik had taught Marik how to kiss "like a teenager." - So, it was just a damned good thing that Yugi was a teenager, too. Technically, Marik was really only 5 or 6 years old, since he had been "born" on Malik's tenth birthday, but that still made him a lot more teenagerish than 3,016-year-old Yami, who was _this _close to _re_-regurgitating when he heard a voice behind him.

"_Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" _squealed Tea. For some reason she had a camera with her. _Click, click, click!_

"_HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!" _the bum sang, shaking her bottom to a tune that only she could hear inside her head.

Yami sighed. "This is _not _my day."

"Hey Yami what's up—_oh my freaking rock gods! SETO, LOOK! LOOK AT WHAT YAMI'S OTHER HALF IS DOING! HE'S GETTING FUNKY!"_

Oh, so _now _he was Yami's other half. Most of the time he was just Yugi. Yami glared at Mokuba. "Shut up!" he warned him. His threat fell on deaf ears.

"What is it, Mokuba—HOLY SAUSAGE DOGS!" Seto's eyes grew very large, and then they narrowed again into slits as he started to laugh himself into the land of stitched sides.

"Hey, Tea!" Oh, gods. Not Tristan, too! "Where are you? Have you found Yami yet?"

Yami shouted, "DON'T COME OVER HERE, TRISTAN!"

Two seconds later, Tristan was standing next to Mokuba, gaping. "HOLY BATMAN COLLECTIBLE DOLLS!"

_Click, click. _"Say cheese you guys!" Tea prompted.

Yugi and Marik looked up and made peace signs, grinning. But then they dropped their grin when Tea went to actually take the picture.

"Cut it out, Tea," Yugi told her.

"Yeah, that's disgusting, you hideous—"

"Hey!" Tea yelled.

"—Er, heinous…"

"Hey!"

"…you mortal." Tea still glared at Marik. Marik glared right back at her.

"Well, whatever! I don't like you!" Marik shouted. "And you can't make me! Mwahahahhahaha!"

Tea pouted, crossing her arms. Normally Yugi would've supported her, but he was a bit busy at the moment trying to revive his other half, who seemed to be in a sort of trance.

"Yami?" Yugi poked his other half with a long, prickly stick. "Yami? Are you there?"

Yami had curled up into a fetal position, frozen, and fallen over. They were all taking turns poking him. Seto was having fun especially.

Mokuba turned pink. "Nii-sama, I don't think you should poke him ther—"

"I know what I'm doing, Mokuba."

"OWWWWW!" Yami screamed, but he didn't move.

Seto smiled. "Teehee."

Yes, he actually said, "teehee." The great Seto Kaiba. Make that the _Great _Seto Kaiba. He said "teehee."

At the sound of Kaiba's "teehee"-ing, Yami's eyes snapped open. He stretched out rigidly. "What the heck?" he screamed. "KAIBA? Did you become gay or something?"

Kaiba blinked. "Um… no…"

"Well too bad! Because I love you!" Yami glomped Kaiba and started trying to make out with him. Everyone laughed, even Tea. Mokuba laughed especially; he was the one with the Millennium Rod in his hand.

"Teach you not to buy me a video game for my birthday," Mokuba spat. "Stupid big brothers. Always need training."

Marik looked at Yugi in surprise. "Since when does Mokuba have the Millennium Rod?"

Yugi simply replied, "It was mentioned in Chapter 2, remember?"

Marik nodded dumbly. "Oh. Right."

"I don't like what he's doing with it, though," Yugi said, glaring at Mokuba out of the corner of his eye. He snuck up behind the snickering kid and knocked him over the back of the head.

"HEY!" Mokuba yelped, falling to the ground. He scraped his right cheek… not badly, but then Kaiba came and stepped on his face while yelling at him. "Oh, man…"

"Wow," Yugi noted, reaching for the Millennium Rod, "this is a really violent ending."

Marik grinned. "It's great, isn't it?"

"I guess so. Violence is okay…" Yugi sighed, pretending to look at the fabric of his jeans.

"…But you don't really like it all that much," Marik finished quietly. "You don't have to change to get attention, Yugi. Just because one person ignores you doesn't mean you're not special to anyone else. I mean, look how much time you and Joey spend together! And Yami did say he was sorry, right? I mean, he must've; he's the goody-goody Pharaoh. And you're supposed to be his goody-goody brat."

As Tea yelled at Kaiba for stepping on his brother, and Yami and Tristan played "ping-pong barf" (in which one person throws up, then the other, then the first person again) in a nearby trash can, Marik stepped next to Yugi and huggled him, trying to convince Yugi to put on his glasses.

"YOSH!" Joey hopped up and down. "I GOT A RAISE!"

Just then, Malik walked in to the restaurant where Joey worked, called Chef-d'oeuvres, which Joey thought meant egg-somethings in French. (Actually, it means "masterpieces", but Joey's confusing oeuvres with oeufs, which are eggs.)

"What's that you're yelling about, Joey?" Malik asked, when he saw his former mind slave dancing on a table.

"Hey!" one guy yelled. "Cut that out or you'll be fired!"

"How would you know! You're just a bus boy!" Joey shot back. The bus boy, who looked a lot like Choofrom _One Piece, _pointed towards a sign.

DO NOT DANCE ON THE TABLES.

) THANK YOU!

Joey sweat dropped. "Oh."

Malik smiled pleasantly at his newest potential victim. "How much is this raise you got, Joey?" He pushed back a blond bang, trying to smile as wide as he could.

Joey sweat dropped again. _Oi, creepy… _"Uh… 1,000 yen."

_That's about 8 dollars…_

"Really?" Malik asked.

Joey grinned, his eyes becoming little arrows pointing UP, like an emoticon. "YUP! See?" He held a 1,000 yen bill out in front of Malik's face.

Malik grabbed it and ran. "SUCKER!" he yelled.

Joey face faulted. "HEY!" He began to chase after him.

"Come back!" the Choo-look-alike shouted. "Your shift isn't over yet!"

Joey stopped short. "Damn," he muttered.

"Hey Joey!"

Joey looked up. "…Duke?" Joey said, confused. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you working like a dog," Duke admitted happily. "Anyway… if you still have to work, I'll go get your money, Joey."

Joey smiled. "Yeah! Thanks, Dukey-boy."

Duke coughed as Joey slapped him on the back. "Never again," he said, referring to the nickname Joey had given him.

"Never again what? I was just calling you like Pegasus would," Joey teased.

"Pegasus doesn't call me that," Duke grumbled. "Do you want your money or not?"

"Geez, no need to get grouchy," Joey told him, picking up a mop. Duke sighed. The truth was, he _had _been a bit discontented lately. It was probably because Tristan had asked Serenity to be his girlfriend, and she'd said yes. Ever since then, he'd felt like he was getting walked all over, even by the _girls…_

Duke exiting the restaurant, while Joey stayed behind, mopping the floor and whistling a little tune.

**The end.**

_The Big Bad Disclaimer to End All Time:_

_Sour Schuyler does not own Yu-Gi-Oh, One Piece, "Gasolina,"_ _DDR, Tekken 5, Joey, Yu Yu Hakusho, the Rubik's cube, the theme song to Three's Company, Futurama, MTV, "Mockingbird" by Eminem, Vh1, Negi or Negima, the Backstreet Boys, Napolean Dynamite, Resident Evil 4, Weird Al or his song "Trash Day," Friends or Phoebe, Sherloch Holmes, "I am," by hitomi, "All the Love in the World" by Nine Inch Nails, Night of the Living Dead, Super Milk Chan, Britney Spears or any of her songs, or "Scotty Doesn't Know." _

_She does own the plot for this story. And your life._

**Ok, so I lied. This can't be the last chapter. Why? Because this chapter just sucks. Seriously; I was happy with it when I wrote it, but now I am very unhappy with it because it doesn't seem to tie up the loose ends emotionally. So I'm doing the Silent Hill thing and giving this several endings. At the end I will have the "Real" Ending. Ok? Ok. Thanks. And sorry for getting this up _so _late; I didn't put this up because I wasn't happy with this. I didn't realize people would threaten me. :P Love you guys! (In a platonic, respectful way. …Hopefully that's how you like me.) So… REVIEW!**


	25. Second End

Chapter 25: The end!

The next ending! Woohoo! Here's what my quoteunquote "beta-readers" have to say! This chapter is…

"Messed up" – Akio the Dragon Master

Well, that makes _me _happy.

And that's when Yami thought he had everything figured out. After all, Marik did go in for a kiss at that moment. However, one thing tossed all of Yami's haphazard analysis out the window:

Yugi suddenly had antennae.

This was, in Yami's opinion, _rather _odd; after all, in the short year that he had been well acquainted with Yugi, (and he _was_ his soul partner, so he knew him fairly well, to say the least,) the short boy with tri-colored hair had neversprouted alien extensions. So, this was something new.

Also, Yami had heard from the movies that aliens were more of a jade color. The antennae were turquoise.

Marik blinked bizarrely at Yugi's new limbs. …Antennae _were _limbs, right? They were like… ears. _Are ears limbs?_ he wondered, his mouth ajar by at least two inches.

Yugi grinned sheepishly. The blue antennae wiggled blithely.

"Uhm… So… What are those?"

"What are what?" the youth asked innocently. Marik jabbed his pointer finger at Yugi's new hair "accessories," wondering if maybe Yugi had egested a turquoise-colored cyst through a previously unnoted whole in his head. While disturbing to think about, it seemed more likely than the more obvious alternative… That Yugi was… he had…

Yugi reached up with his right hand, touching the antennae like one would a favorite barrette.

"These?" Yugi smiled sweetly. "These are my antennae."

"Antennas?"

"No, antennae," Yugi corrected. "See, you only use antennas if you're talking about, say, the antennas on a TV… but if it's like, you know, the antennae on an animal… or a person..." Here Yugi beamed. "Then, it's antennae!"

"Ok," Marik said unappreciatively. "Like I'm ever going to use _that _during my lifetime."

"Well, actually," Yugi started nervously, "since you seem to like me, want to go back to my home planet and just chill for a little while? If you do, though," he warned, "my friends are _awfully _picky about whether you say they have 'antennas' or 'antennae.' "

"Eh… well…" Marik scratched his head. "I didn't know you were an alien."

"You didn't? I thought it was rather obvious," Yugi suggested.

Meanwhile, Yami's jaw had dropped through the alley's cement surface and was well on its way to Mexico. It snapped back into place like a rubber band.

_"YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGI!" _he thundered. The petite alien tilted his head toward him.

"Hai, Yami?" he answered. Yami fell over in an anime faint.

"You knew I was there the whole time!" he demanded.

Marik joined Yugi in his vigorous nodding. "You were kind of obvious," the darker one said. The former Pharaoh reeled in astonishment.

Yami got to his feet so that he could sink to the ground in an even more dramatic fashion. How on _Earth _could he have missed the fact that his aibou was an extraterrestrial, complete with two tiny stalks growing out of his head? The Pharaoh, it was safe to say, was astounded.

Meanwhile, the more malevolent Marik was eyeing Yugi with rising suspicion. "You're not a Yeerk, are you?" His inquiry was bitter; Yugi's responding laughter was sweet.

"Of course not!" he answered. "So, do you want to come?"

Marik blinked. "Uh…"

"C-O-M-E." Yugi tapped his foot in annoyance.

"Come where?"

"No; _go_." The alien made a whooshing motion with his arm. "With me. To another planet."

After a few minutes of thinking, (with Yami angsting in the background all the while,) Marik enquired, "Will you wear your glasses for me?"

The extraterrestrial turned rouge. "Actually," he explicated, "those are a part of my body. They're like a membrane I can voluntarily slide in and out from between an opening in my zygomatic bone, or my cheekbones."

Marik blinked. Yugi smiled, sheepish and fey.

The taller teen's eyes darkened with thought. "So," he began slowly, and then paused, and started again. "So, I was just about to ask an alien to be my boyfriend?"

The petite blonde's face was positively scarlet. "You—were?" he squeaked. Somewhere, the Alien Yaoi Fan Club squealed.

"YAMI MARIK LIKES MY AIBOU?" Yami sang to the tune of a piece from Carmen. Yugi, Marik, and the singing bum all rolled their eyes.

"Dude," Yugi exclaimed, "You're just getting this now? It was implied in the summary!"

"I'm a slow learner!" countered the former king.

Yugi planted his hands femininely on his hips. "You didn't have any trouble learning the rules to Dungeon Dice Monsters when Duke first played against us!" he attacked.

Yami frowned. "I don't have trouble figuring out heart _points,_" he illustrated, "but matters of the actual heart are a different story."

Speaking of hearts, one of Yugi's six skipped a beat.

"So…" He slid out his glasses and fiddled with them shyly. "You were actually going to say that you like me?" He smiled shyly.

Marik sweat dropped. "Uh… yeah," he answered, distracted by the atypical appendages which were now wriggling independently of each other.

The shorter male beamed. Hearts blossomed in mid-air over his head, and sparkly sounds were heard in the background to accompany this image.

"That… That makes me really happy," Yugi admitted. The loftier teen pointed to the alien's reddening cheeks.

"Is that a membrane too?" he asked.

While Yugi explained to his prospective boyfriend that blushing occurred in his race for the same reason it did in Marik's, Yami was doing weird things. Tossed cruelly into the throes of unsolvable mystery and victimizing plot twists, the king redux had quickly grown exponentially angstier, until he had convinced the singing bum to join him in a few lines of "Room of Angel" from a Silent Hill 4 CD.

"The wind, howling at the window…"

His counterpart turned, regarding Yami with a bit of that Canadian "eh?" written across his face. "Are you going to be alright?" he asked, a worried pout on his face.

The Pharaoh stopped singing and gave Yugi a limp look of misery.

/You never told me you were an alien/ he said softly.

/Yes I did/ Yugi exclaimed. /I told you right after you told me you were an ancient Egyptian Pharaoh/

Yami blinked. ¿Qué/

/You're not Spanish./

"Why is there all this silence all of a sudden?" Marik demanded (since he couldn't listen to the Pharaoh & friend's mental conversation).

_Yami remembered when he'd first gone "out" with Tea. Well, he'd tried to deny that it was a date then… but it was. A date interrupted by Mai and Ishizu. Boy, was Yami popular. _

_Meeting Ishizu for the first time had been very important to him. It was that night that Ishizu revealed that Yami was actually a carrot Superman reincarnated. It was funny to see Tea's eyes grow to the size of saucers as she naively imbibed this message. Then, after Ishizu laughed at her, she apologized for making such an awful joke, and told him he was actually the spirit of a Pharaoh. _

_He had been SO excited. He'd waited until later that night to spring the news on Yugi. _

_/Yugi! I'm a Pharaoh/ _

_Okay, so he'd been kind of blunt. And overexcited. …And hyper. Yami's first date marked the first time he'd tasted Splenda. As long as nobody knew he'd snorted it in the bathroom through a straw, (to the consternation and concern of Yugi,) he'd be okay. _

_/Yeah/ Yugi had replied, bitter that he couldn't find his pajama top/and I'm an alien./ _

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE JOKING!" Yami screamed.

Marik pointed at Yami. "Never assume!" he recited triumphantly. "It makes an ass out of u and…"

"You're the ass," countered the person of medium height. "I never said assume. And I wasn't talking to you!"

The gay six-year-old huffed indignantly.

"…So, you wanna go?" Yugi played with the edges of his sleeves, blushing and unable to look Marik full in the face. The gay Egyptian (My friend was right. That _is _fun to write.) face faulted, then blushed.

"Uh… where is your home planet?" He asked lamely.

" Neptune."

Marik sweat dropped. "…I'm not really feelin' it, here." Yugi shot him a hurt look. Luckily Marik corrected himself: "I mean, I don't really feel like going to _Neptune_It's kind of far. I still like you," he amended. Yugi shared a small smile. "You know that if you say you're a _Neptunian, _you sound like a dish a cat would like," Marik decided. "Neptuna! Great for, uh, alien cats."

"In that case, how about going on a vacation with me?" Yugi suggested frankly. "See, I was actually going on a small trip to another planet. It's closer than Neptune, anyway. But it's still pretty exotic and neat and I think you'll get something out of the trip. …Stop staring at my pants."

"Stop staring at Yugi's pants!" Yami commanded angrily, hands on his hips. Marik rolled his eyes. "Pervert!"

"Baka no Pharaoh," Marik mumbled. "I don't know… where is this planet?"

"Can I come?" Yami pleaded. He was stricken by the fact that he didn't really know his aibou as well as he'd thought, and that his exposed other half was revealing plans of suddenly leaving. Also, he was nonplussed by the fact he hadn't known about this, despite his given ability to read some of Yugi's thoughts. That just kind of rubbed him the wrong way, and gave him goosebumps.

Yugi nodded. "Yeah!" he said. "Of course! That was a given! Tea can come, too." His soul friend sighed. "It's too bad that Tea won't date anybody outside of her own species."

Marik's eye twitched. "The planet?" he demanded.

Yugi smiled. "Oh! The planet is called… Earth," he announced.

Yami's face scrunched up. "Where's that?"

The smile faded from the petite Neptunian. "Maybe I didn't pronounce it right?" he wondered.


	26. Third End

**Chapter 26: The end! **

And that's when Yami solved the mystery. The events happened so rapidly—first, Marik leaning down to actually, truly _kiss _his aibou—

Then him actually _doing_ it—

Then Yugi kissing him _back—_which Yami thought was _disgusting, _by the way—

Then the Egyptian's sinewy bronzed figures reaching back around the form of little Yugi, and nimbly snatching up his wallet. Marik smirked into the kiss before he shoved his playmate backwards into the wall.

"What the--?" Yugi's grasp on what was going on was hazy. Marik let out a long cavalcade of his trademark laughter.

"MAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!" he, well, mahahaed™. "Look who has five bucks now!"

The petite blonde blinked. "What?" he cried out, his voice tiny. Yami stood up and revealed himself from behind his mediocre hiding place. The Pharaoh squared his shoulders and marched over to where his nemesis was laughing hysterically at something that was _not _funny.

"Marik!" he shouted. He raised his arm up to point at the man he was addressing.

"Dude," lamented the Egyptian, "I'm right here. You don't have to yell."

Yami sweat dropped. The angry, three-thousand-years-old teenager decided to raise his voice to an even more offensive level, since Marik had asked him to be quiet.

"How dare you steal money from my aibou!" he roared. He was louder than the lion at your local zoo. Y'know, the one they get to do tricks for those treats; the one that ate that small boy last year. Yugi, realizing what had happened slowly, (he'd taken a pernicious blow to the head when Marik had thrust him against the wall,) let out a cry.

The Egyptian's Cheshire grin was devastating in Yugi's eyes. "Well, he needed to give shujinkaku his five dollars," he explicated. "And I figured, hey, if I could do some extra damage while I worked at it, well then, all for the better. So I worked out this little ersatz romance that Yugi played to perfectly."

Marik laughed in Yami's face. Yugi's cries escalated into the sobs of a heartbroken ingenue—except Yugi was a naïve boy, and ingénues were naïve girls.

"I don't know what ersatz means, but one thing is certain, Marik: you're _through_!" Yami raised both arms in an attempt to be dramatic. But, think about this: imagine Yami with both of his arms raised to the sky. …Dramatic? Kind of. A lame attempt at Yami being a cheerleader? More than likely.

"You… you!" Yugi stole a hankie out of a plot hole and blew his nose loudly in it. Afterwards, he tossed it aside, where it hit Joey smack dab in the middle of his face.

"EWWW!" Joey had to _peel _the kerchief off of his face. "Yug', das' _gross_!"

Joey stared at Yugi for a minute. A light went on upstairs.

"Yugi! Your head's bleeding a little bit!" Joey pointed out.

Yugi groaned. "Thank you, Captain Obvious," he moaned.

"Yeah, but they stopped reviewing at Chapter 18," Joey stated. "You could thank dragonlady222 or something."

"I said Captain _Obvious, _not CaptainInuyasha777," Yugi snapped.

"Oh. Sorry. I should probably take this time to thank all of the reviewers that reviewed more than once, huh," Joey said. "Also, to point out that people who had reviewed only once, can fix that by reviewing _this _chapter, and…"

"Joey, Joey, Joey." Yugi reached up and lightly brushed sticky fluid that was matting the hair by his ears with his fingertips. "You're totally breaking the fourth wall." He applied a tiny amount of pressure to the small wound. He winced. "I shouldn't of done that," he reflected as the tender skin throbbed painfully.

"It's 'I shouldn't _have _done that,'" Yami corrected worriedly. "Yugi, Marik was just misleading you so that he could retrieve the currency that you stole from his other notorious self."

Yugi burst out into tears.

"Aw, now look what you did," Marik said with false concern. "Awww, it's okay, wittle Yugi! I don't hate you! I just want to stomp on your irritating glasses. Get contacts, for insert Egyptian god here's sakes!"

"So you really _did _steal money from Malik?" Joey asked the bawling boy, astonished. Marik rolled his eyes, and Yugi even let out a hyperventilated huff that sounded like a small sigh in the middle of his tearfest.

"For Nut's sakes, Joey! The first time you heard of it was in the second chapter! _This _is the twenty-sixth!"

"Stop breaking the fourth wall!" Yugi sobbed.

"Why did nuts have to come into this?" Yami asked, confused.

"What kind of nuts?" Joey asked as his stomach rumbled. "I hope they're not peanuts; I'm allergic to them…"

"It's an Egyptian deity," Marik explained. "Goddess of the sky, daughter of Shu and Tefnut, mother of Seth? Any of this ringing a bell?"

Yami stared at Marik with an expression on his face as blank as blank page that had white-out drizzled all over it. (Which means it was kind of bumpy and very dumb-looking.)

"Obviously, you have no idea who I'm talking about," Marik realized, and a smug serpentine smile spilled across his face. "Don't you remember? Seth's mama is so large that her fingers and toes touch the four cardinal directions. Ra goes into her mouth at dusk and is reborn out of her vagina every morning. Actually, when the Pharaoh dies he's supposed to enter her body, and later be reborn. Probably out of her vagina like Ra. That's an awesome word. _Vagina." _Marik took in a big swuck of air, preparing to repeat the word to himself like a small child who had just learned his first curse word. (A/N: Don't be offended because of _me. _Marik did it. Besides, I'm funny.)

"That's disgusting!" Yami disdained. "Who on Earth would worship such a strange… disgusting… you said the Pharaoh?" he asked. Marik nodded wisely. "Aw, nuts. That was _my _culture, wasn't it?"

"That's 'Nut,'" Marik corrected him. "Goddess of the Sky. And wait until I tell you how Ra created the gods Hu and Sia."

"Nuts," Yami swore.

"Close," Marik admitted. but not quite. See, he took blood from his own—"

"That's ENOUGH!" Joey screamed, his hands fixed in a defensive stance over his crotch. Even Yugi had calmed his strained sniveling enough to give Marik a really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really odd look. Unfortunately, as priceless as this look was, Marik was too busy taunting the Pharaoh and totally missed what could have been the perfect Kodak moment.

"Indeed," Yami growled. "Stop trying to distract us with talk of Egyptian gods and what comes out of them!"

"…What?" Joey looked slightly dazed.

"…Sneck up, Joe," Yami commanded disgustedly.

"…What?" The blonde—oh, wait, they're all blondes. o.o The (quoteunquote) "mutt" appeared nonplussed. Yugi started to sob quietly again, upset and now perturbed by the M-rated conversation around him.

"Yugi, what's wrong?" Joey asked as he hadn't heard Yami tell Yugi that Marik had deceived him. Yugi didn't reply. Yugi felt like a failure. How could he have ever thought that one was capable of creating an entirely New Them? The New Yugi was an apparition made up of frustration and full of hot air. Of course Yami no Malik had seen right through him. It must have been like looking through a sheet of glass, just like looking through someone's glasses to see their eyes.

"Marik tricked Yugi into thinking that he liked him," Yami explained. Joey looked at Yugi with eyes as wide as a butterball moon. For you young hermits and hermitesses out there, if you have never seen the moon, it is very, very big. Bigger than your uncle's beer belly. (The one he used to be able to scrunch up to make it resemble the faces of famous people while he imitated their voices.) …Yes, that big. Bigger! I shall give you a moment to reflect on this in awe.

…

"Wow," Joey said in the voice of Moral Oral. "You fell for that?"

Yugi looked up at his best friend, his heart hammering heavily in his chest. His chin lowered just a fraction of an inch, then rose back up, which Joey automatically took to be a nod.

"Yugi, that's just kinda…" Joey scratched the back of his neck. "I mean, you really oughta… you'd of hafta…"

"That's 'you would have _had _to,'" Yami corrected.

Joey ignored him. "Yugi… Well, I mean, you can be naïve at times, and I know you're a forgiving person since after all you even forgave Kaiba and Kaiba's a heartless, soulless—" Joey coughed. "Sheesh. My allergies are acting up big time. No wonder; it's like Dust Bunnies Gone Wild back here."

"It's my own private collection," said the bumess that Yami had long since forgotten about. …Omigod, bumess is a word! …Oh, wait, never mind. Spell check just wasn't working. -- There go my dreams. I was really excited, too.

Joey continued with, "They ought to hire maids to dust the alleys. French maids. Yes, French maids will do."

Yugi sulked as his friend once again spaced out. Even though Joey had googley eyes now, just a minute ago his chocolate eyes had been horrified, effusively evincing the point that Yugi had shocked his friend by being such a naif. Tears made Yugi's cheeks tender as they began once again to slip from his disappointed violet orbs.

Of course Tea wanted to date Yami instead of Yugi. Yami wasn't a fool.

'I guess my foolishness even overrides the fact that I'm still alive while Yami is technically dead,' Yugi decided sullenly. 'That's depressing, if nothing else is.'

Yugi suddenly felt himself being pulled up roughly, a bronzed hand wrapped around his arm.

"Skin doesn't really feel so weird," Marik reasoned. The Pharaoh shot him a curious glance that said that he wanted to know what the dark was talking about. "Oh, did I say that out loud?" The Pharaoh nodded.

"Yami, why aren't you doing something?" Joey crossed his arms. Yugi's nose had begun to run what looked like the 100 meter dash. Obviously, he looked very undignified, like a naked mole rat with a tiny mole rat-sized towel draped around its waist. Then again, the Old Yugi was never quite the perfect picture of nobility. (Especially since nobles usually didn't have such outrageous hair and didn't wear their navy blue school uniform on Sundays, when they didn't have to. Yami always managed to pull it off, though, so Yugi had hoped…)

"Yami!" Joey barked. "Yami, are you going to defend Yugi or something? Marik's got him by the arm!"

"Yes, I see that, Joey," Yami answered immediately in a steely voice, "and I am!" The sound of metal gnashing again metal rung out behind him as he jumped back into vengeful friend mode after several moments of being neutral. (The ringing metal was a nearby garage band practicing. ...It's easy to see why they were practicing, given the description of the sound quality they were producing.)

"Marik," Yami said, puffing out his chest, "I challenge you do a duel!"

Marik stuck out his long, ghastly tongue. …Seriously, what is up with that thing? Was Marik a frog in his past life, or what? Anyway…

"I'd love to duel you some other time," Marik said, batting his eyelashes flirtatiously in a way that made Yami's stomach crunch, "but you see, this is o-shujinkaku-sama's duel, not mine. It's his money, honey."

"But you're the one who – don't you _ever _call me that again – you're the one who hurt Yugi," Yami argued. As if the short boy's name was a cue, Marik reached down and tickled the boy (who he was still holding on to) under the arm. Yugi shuddered a bit, but didn't laugh.

"…Alright, don't be ticklish then. Fine." Marik harrumphed indignantly, as if Yugi had done him a great wrong by neglecting to giggle. He let go of Yugi, who fled to Joey's side.

"Marik," Yami began, his tone low and dangerous. His purple eyes shone like a cat's would when they caught the light, and became two golden glowing disks. The eye of Horus began to glow impressively on his forehead, and the school uniform of Yugi's he'd been wearing (assumably sized up through ancient Shadow magic) began to take on the properties of a cape. The spiffy music that usually plays towards the end of the American opening song riffed out of nowhere, and even the strange voice that no one could place was heard echoing across the alley, saying "Yuuuuuuuuuuu-gi-ohhhh."

"It's time," Yami averred, "to d-d-d-d, d-d-d-d-d-d-duel."

Marik narrowed his eyes in annoynace—annyoance—annoian—_dang!_ "Talk much?" he asked. "Or is this your first time?"

Yami also narrowed his eyes to cat's eyes-slits, but didn't give Marik the satisfaction of a rejoinder. Surely Marik would see that Yami was above his little taunting games.

"Speechless, I see," Marik chuckled. Yami grimaced. Apparently not. "Anyway, so… I noticed your sporting the eye of Horus. Kind of late on the year for that particular fashion trend, it's sort of yesterday's thing, although it's rather fetching on you, really. Oh, don't give me that look. I know that with all that leather you like you must be into appearances somewhat. It's a compliment. …Don't wince like that!" Marik pouted. "My compliments are great! Aren't they Yugi?"

Yugi gurgled disdainfully.

Marik paused. "…Did you know that during an 80-year-battle with Seth, Seth tore out Horus' left eye? I suppose that is why they call it the _eye _of Horus instead of the _eyes_." Marik wanted to imitate the drums that should've been playing as he let loose the corny joke and say "Ba-duh-dum!" But it was already too late; you had to do that _before _your audience started groaning at your awful joke, and Yugi looked just about ready to throw up (although he hadn't _shut _up for quite some while now).

Yami wrinkled his nose, and finally responded with, "Ok, so Horus became a godly and righteous Tenorio. So what?"

"You dog!" Marik exclaimed happily. "Tenorio dies after he shoots the owl, so he doesn't really defeat Ultima, but oh my Ra! I didn't know that you could _read_."

"Of course I can read!" Joey shouted defensively. "I go to school, don't I? I mean, I even deliver the newspapers around here, so c'mon! Give me a break! I was bound to pick up a _few _words, right?"

"…When I said dog, I wasn't talking to you, Joseph," Marik stated.

"…Oh. Sorry."

"That's quite all right." Marik turned back to the Pharaoh while Joey blushed embarrassedly. "So, when did you start reading stuff by Rudolfo Anaya?"

"Shut up!" Yami shouted, and in a great display of immaturity he cupped his hands over his ears. "La la la, I CAN'T HEAR YOU! Cool people don't read! I don't know what you're taaaaalking about! I've never even _heard _of _Bless Me Ultima_! I don't _know _that the main character is Antonio and that he struggles to find out who he wants to be due to inflicting cultures placed upon him by his parents' different cultures! I have no _idea _that some of the archetypes found in it include the Earth mother, Loss of Innocence, Good vs. Evil, and the Ritual! I _can't _recite the story of the golden carp and how one god convinced the other gods to be lenient in their punishment of people and turn them all into fish! I've _never _even _heard _of the Marez or Luna families! I don't _even_ know that there's an an accent above the 'a' in Márez! What are you talking about, Marik? Cool people don't _read_! I'm a _Pharaoh!_ Who says I could _read?"_

"…" Joey, Yugi, and Marik all stared at Yami with the hugest sweat drops the nearby bum had ever seen in all of her life hanging off of their heads. The sweat drops were so large and heavy, they strained their necks by tugging back on their heads, and making them tilt their head backwards. Joey took out a clothing pin and stabbed at the oversized droplets, causing them to burst.

"…You know, speaking of Horus," Marik said, choosing to go back to their earlier conversation, "he ripped off Seth's testicles."

"That's messed up, man," Joey stated. Yugi nodded, sniveling. When Marik nodded towards Joey, Yugi cringed and tried to fold himself up like a lawn chair, hugging his knees to condense himself.

"What do you expect? Our culture has a scorpion goddess helping women in childbirth."

"If I was a woman, I'd probably wince right about now," Yami said in an aggravated, sing-song tone. "Let's just get on with our duel!"

"Didn't I tell you that I wasn't going to duel you?" Marik asked.

"No, you didn't," Yami said stubbornly.

"I'm pretty sure I did."

"Are you afraid to duel me?" Yami challenged, tired of this long, drawn-out revenge scheme whose promise had wilted like an autumn leaf upon Marik's refusal to duel. "Because this is going to become longer than the time I went with Yugi to the DMV."

"Isn't that American?" Joey asked.

"I have my license?" Yugi wondered in bewilderment.

"…No, I'd just rather not duel someone associated with Horus, since I am actually kind of fond of my testicles," Marik explained.

"So am I," Joey blurted.

Yami cast him a confused, sideways glance. "Joey, I'm not challenging _you_ do a duel."

"But I _named _them," Joey whined. "You better leave them alone."

It took Yami a second to process this.

"…That's nice," was all that he could think up to say.

"Everyone names them, silly," Yugi said. Marik grinned at him.

"Do they, gaki-me?" Marik rushed over to where Yugi was slouching and leaned over to give him a brief hug, like a cheerleader might do when she wanted to pretend she cared about a friend who had borrowed lunch money and never returned it but who hadn't made the squad so deserved some sympathy. Of course Yugi knew Marik didn't care. What Yugi felt the worst about was that he had been _this _close to convincing himself that he wanted Marik to care, and since he had been so close to doing so, he really, really wanted to be convinced. Even Yami had told him to give someone who liked him a chance. However, there was no one like that. He should have known.

The Old Yugi's tears had completely washed out the New Yugi's façade, reducing it to wet tissue paper. Marik had always known that Yugi was pretending to be somebody he wasn't. It had been obvious, once he'd realized Yugi was doing it on purpose, that Yugi's plan was going to fail. Things just didn't work that way. People need time to adjust to even gradual changes their close friends might go through. And Yugi, with his Old Self sniveling as silently as he could, hadn't really changed at all.

"Don't worry, gaki-me," he said crisply to the sobbing boy, kind of in awe that he'd been able to reel the boy in that well. Realizing that Yugi desperately wanted to be liked, Marik couldn't help but add teasingly, "We can always still be friends."


	27. Fourth End

**Chapter 27: The end!**

At that moment Yami solved the mystery. Because right then, Marik shoved little Yugi into the wall painfully like a wrestler, minus the insinuative positions and weird garb. Yugi let out a confused cry like a dying cat/your grandma and slumped to the ground. Yami could just make out an alarming tinge of red begin to drip from behind his aibou's ear.

Marik reached down and searched Yugi's pockets in what could have been a very suggestive procedure, woo-hoo. Finally, he found in Yugi's jacket a small, bumpy green wallet that had probably been made out of some poor dead animal. He opened it up and pulled out a fiver, which although it sounds like it, is not a type of fish.

"I had money?" Yugi wondered. Then he blacked out for a second from the head pain and the thought of being broke.

Yami's amethyst eyes clouded with rage. He stood up and took a few bold steps toward the offensive darker half of Malik Ishtar.

"So you pretended to love my aibou so that you could steal money from him?" Yami demanded, angrier than he'd ever been in his weird (that's putting it nicely) life. (Alright, so maybe that's an exaggeration; but sorely and surely, this was somewhere on the top ten.) Yugi had been right; this was just like with that double-crosser Risa. Someone, again, had pretended to like him so that they could steal something they wanted from him, except this time it was money instead of Duel Monsters cards. (People were obviously getting smarter.)

"NO!" Marik raised up his arms in an unnecessary grand gesture, stretching the taffy veins and Cheshire grin on his face to a ridiculous, non-human width. "That's the beauty of it! I never said I liked him!" The darker Ishtar's voice sunk into the rhythm of the purr of a cat who'd just had a full meal and was blissfully unaware of the indigestion it would have in a half an hour. "_I _merely pulled him into an alley. Who ever said I liked him? What were _you _thinking? Pharaoh, you _pervert._"

"I—"

"Shut up, Yami." The former Pharaoh turned in surprise to see Yugi standing up, leaning back against the dusty wall, huffing and trying to regain his bearings. A trickle of blood fell past his ear. "_Stupid brick wall…_ You hit me hard," he commented darkly. The way he said these words made it sound as if he wanted to add the word _tulips—_er, _bastard _to the end of his sentences.

Yami blinked. "Who are you talking to?" he asked politely.

Yugi rolled his eyes. "Marik. Pay attention to the context."

"But the way the context went—"

"Just stop talking," Yugi growled. Yami blinked a bit, confused like a cheerleader presented with a math problem.

Marik smirked, and hopped fearlessly over toward Yugi like a valiant frog who knew he was about to snatch a fly out of a spider's web. He smugly nestled his forehead against that of the shorter boy. Yugi's nostrils flared.

"Hello, gaki-me," Marik taunted, his voice sweet like sugar.

"…" Yugi socked him.

Marik stumbled backwards. His slender fingers fluttered to his face, coming to rest on a throbbing pinkness.

"You—You will pay for hitting—"

Yugi threw his fist at Marik's eyes, cutting off his threat. The Egyptian let out a disgruntled howl that was cut off abruptly when Yugi shoved him to the dirty ground. Marik landed on his ankle painfully in a twisted position, and the hand he thrust out behind him landed on a white piece of ABC (already been chewed) gum that was twisted like a screw protruding from the pavement, wet, and sticky. Marik's right eye watered, and deluged when he narrowed it to a wet, demonic slant. Yugi had placed him in an intolerably vulnerable exercise position. For Ra's sakes, he looked like he was doing the crabwalk, except more scrunched up and in more of an upright position, if that was possible. This was more unforgivable than Chandler's smoking habit in that episode of _Friends _he had watched with his shujinkaku last night. Slowly he rose to his feet, his left hand balled into a fist, his right hand's fingers working at picking the wad off of his palm by themselves.

"We don't need the left hand," his right fingers thought. "We'll get this gum wad off of us by ourselves!"

"Shut up! I'm going to hurt something!" the left hand shouted. "RarrglarglexclamationpointGUH!"

Marik liked to think that the second time he fell, it was because his ankle had buckled underneath him, and not because Yugi had simply leaned over and casually pushed him back down, which was the anticlimactic truth.

A large cement truck rumbled down the street, (although how Marik knew it was a cement truck, he wasn't sure, since he was in the alley,) then passed, and Marik then realized that everything above him was silent, which seemed very wrong. The Pharaoh was not yelling like Marik had hoped he would be, and Yugi was enunciating his Japanese so slowly that at first Marik had trouble figuring out what he was saying.

"Gaki ja nai yo to boku wa itta. Kimi ga suki ja nai…"

"What does that mean?" Marik demanded in a daze.

"I'm not a brat," Yugi repeated, "and I don't like you."

"Oh…"

"Oi!"

Yugi and Yami turned to see Malik scale the wooden fence and hop over it, landing nimbly—er, actually… He crashed painfully onto his elbow. However, he stood up diplomatically and brushed himself off blithely before rushing towards the dramatic scene. "Did it work?" he asked Marik in a voice that held such excitement, you'd think the long-haired Egyptian was about to wet his pants.

"Did what work?" Yami had found his voice after being shocked by Yugi's pugnacious display.

Malik gave Yami a sly, ugly grin. Well actually, y'know, Malik is hot. O.o But Malik grinning at people, knowing that they are about to feel bad, well, we can just imagine its ugly. (But it's _HOT!_ o.o) "Did my dumber half lay a wet one on your vessel?"

"O.O" Yami was unacquainted with that phrase. "A wet what?" he asked politely, a tad put off by how strange that sounded. "People don't lay things."

"They get laid," Malik responded, "but that's not the point. Or the question. What I wanted to know was if Marik kissed Yugi."

"No," said Marik hastily, as he stood up and faced forward, shoulders squared and frown taut. He looked like he was standing at attention, ready to give a gloomy salute. Yugi fleered at him. The shorter boy had just realized that Marik was totally whupped by his lesser half.

Malik blinked. "I thought you were going to kiss him before you stole my money back," he said.

Marik shrugged. "Didn't want to," he offered. Yugi snorted.

"Knows he doesn't deserve to," the shorter boy corrected.

The long-haired teen blinked once again. Then, tossing a rebellious lock of hair behind his ear, he squinted at Yugi.

"You don't seem at all that awfully offended by this," he observed disappointedly.

Yugi shrugged. "I don't date dogs," he offered as an explanation. Marik winced, maybe due to the pain his ankle was making him suffer, or maybe because there had been way to many similes and metaphors in this chapter comparing him to animals. "And I happen to be straight, no matter what Tea likes to dream up."

"Oh really," Yami said reservedly.

Yugi looked like he wanted to punch the Pharaoh next. "Yeah," he asseverated. "Really."

"Well, whatever." Malik kicked Marik softly with the toe of his foot. "I'm sure my boyfriend will get over you dumping him and not caring that he didn't kiss you… _again_."

Marik's face was thrown in shadows by Malik standing in front of him. Now, more then ever, Marik wanted to kill Malik, for lying about being his boyfriend. Sickening knots formed in the Marik's stomach as he realized that he _had _spent quite a lot of time making out with him the other day… or, more accurately, over the course of last week. But he had been thinking about Yugi the whole—well, _most _of the time, anyway.

_Dear God, _Marik realized, _I think I, the most evil person on the show, am in love with Yugi.__ …And I didn't kiss him. Again. _

_Shit! This sucks. What kind of an ending is this!_

Watching Yami look at Yugi with large, wavering eyes, that seemed to hold something just for Yugi, Marik realized that the Pharaoh, also, felt feelings for Yugi. Farfetched as this is, it's my fan fiction and it's just a gag ending so just deal with it. "I thought _you _were dating Tea!" Yami no Malik found the strength to stand up and point at the Pharaoh in dramatic fashion. Yugi blinked in the face of ripening melodrama.

"Yeah, he is. So?" he said, pushing his shoulders up, then down. His eyes mimicked Marik's favored half-lidded stance, and his mouth was pulled up into a half-amused grimace.

"Then why are you staring at Yugi like that!" Marik yelled, addressing the Pharaoh directly even though Yugi was talking for him. Yugi gasped lowly and turned to Yami, a blush on his face. However, almost instantly after that, the Old Yugi deliquesced and a smirk replaced the blush, which had disappeared like a puff of breath in winter air.

"Yu… Yugi…" Yami felt like a deer trapped in the headlight of an oncoming truck driven by an inattentive trucker who'd just crapped his pants. "Yugi, I…" At least the oncoming truck was carting romance, Yami prayed, as he dragged Yugi off to confess that Tea had agreed to help make Yugi jealous, and that he was sorry it had worked about as much as a mosquito bite on a cold sore.

"Well," Malik said with a smile, "our work here is done." He reached down to help his darker half up. Of course, Yami Malik had stood up a moment ago, but he'd fallen to his knees again in dramatic fashion. I just forgot to mention it.

"I just lost him…" Marik murmured.

"What?" Malik cocked his head at his soi-disant darker half. Marik didn't reply.

He heard Yugi laugh fecklessly from another alley. "Sorry, Yami, I don't feel that way about you…"

"But Yugi! We're destined to be together! We're partners of soul! That means we're soulmates, like… uhm… Bonnie & Clyde or… insert a great example here that will change your mind!"

"Yami, I'm sorry. I told you, I'm straight…"

"BUT YOU KISSED MARIK! I read your mind anyway because I still haven't learned a lesson in this story and my actions must reflect that!" Yami argued. Marik could imagine that redness spilling over Yami's cheeks right now. And he could hear (for Yugi and Yami were fairly shouting) Yugi's reply:

"Just a joke. Some kisses are about as real as Mai's boobs. Nobody ever really falls in love like that. What do I look like, a naïve kid who spends all his time playing innocent games with his tawdry and weird friends who slowly corrupt him?"

"…As a matter of fact…"

"Hush."

"But _Yugi! _Tea even assured me—she—she said…"

"Tea's a bitch. Just forget about me. C'mon, we have a picnic to go to, where you'll have to look at me all day."

Marik could imagine the gaki-me's smirk. Yugi would never care about either of them, Marik realized slowly. Not this Yugi. Not the New Yugi.

It was Yugi 2.0! This New Yugi would never fall in love with a yarou, a bastard. The New Yugi would never be caught off guard by a kiss. The New Yugi would never admit to loving someone he previously hated, or hating something he'd previously loved. The New Yugi didn't trust enemies. And Yami, just recently, had been his enemy. The New Yugi wanted to be perfect, and wasn't going to fall in love with someone he didn't like. Not with Yami; not with Marik.

"Wow, Yugi's a jackass," Malik remarked with a smile. "We ought to ask him to hang out with us and Bakura sometime. He's really coming along nicely. Not the goody-goody he used to be, eh?"

"Since when are you Canadian?" Marik muttered. He was still crouched on the ground, like an abandoned toad. _I am Trevor, _he thought. _I am Trevor, and I have been abandoned even by Neville. …I need better analogies…This chapter isn't funny, either…_

"Don't be silly." Malik flashed him a grin. "Canadian's don't really say 'eh' all the time. That's just the t-shirts. Are you alright? Shot down by little Yugi again, eh? I can't believe you didn't kiss him. How's he going to remember it amongst the dozens of other times he's been throttled? Surely he gets beat up a lot. How do you think Tea tricked Yami into dating her? Surely Yami wasn't stupid enough to not realize that she was doing it for _her _gain, and not his. What do you think he'd say?" Malik's voice suddenly flew until a falsetto, mimicking the Pharaoh:

"But _Yugi! _Tea said she'd give me candy after we finally got together. Until then, she made me sit in my underwear and I had to let her whip me and I've got all these bruises and stuff!" The Egyptian cackled evilly in amusement.

Marik glared at his other half, knowing that he wasn't going to be able to look himself in the mirror for quite some time. "You didn't have to lie and say you were my boyfriend," he growled. "Who are we, Luke and Leia?"

Malik smirked. "I thought it was amusing. Anyway, thanks for getting back my five dollars. You did get it, right?"

"Right." Marik slipped the bill into Malik's hand, feeling like a monkey that had been trained to fling poo at toddlers and was sadly getting no joy out of the job. He turned at just the right moment to see Yami and Yugi heading back towards the street they'd been walking down before he'd interrupted him. Yami was trying to say something, the New Yugi was cutting him off. The Old Yugi, Marik realized, had been left behind, like a forgotten pepperoni pizza slice in a world where everyone loved sausage.

_…I REALY need better analogies, _he griped. _Oh, and a spellchecker._

He watched the Pharaoh leave with the New Yugi, chasing after him.

"Actually," Malik said, "now that I think about it… now that I really, actually do the math—I've never been really good at math, y'know—Yugi owed me more than five dollars. …He owed me ten."

Marik's eyes widened. So the New Yugi had gotten away with everything after all.

_Gah… geez, what happened to this chapter? It just fell down the tubes. But that's ok. Or is it? Tell me in a REVIEW… Anyway, for those of you who keep asking every single chapter (not that I mind!) of course this is not the true end. I mean, come on! Yami suddenly in love with Yugi? No. Not in this ficcy. Maybe in the fan fiction _Playing House. _Hm. You should read it and review it. End my shameless plug here. _

_The next chapter, however, is what really happened._


	28. Not Like the Fairytales

**Chapter 28: The End (Not Like in the Fairytales) OR Yugi blushes a lot OR Sashimi Showndown! The Pharaoh's Knocked Down a Peg OR That Chapter You've Been Waiting For OR Some other chapter title **

This is it. The _real _ending. If you're wondering why it took so long for me to update, it's 'cause I put a lot of thought into this chappie right here. I wanted it to end perfectly. It still has some issues, but I think basically it's a nice fun ending the whole family can enjoy. (Except for Yami, who will shortly after this announcement have a headache.)

Yami had no clue what happened after that. All he could hear was the crackle of electricity sounding in his ears out of nowhere as he watched Marik buss his shorter half. He thought he heard a ringing sound in his ears when he realized, through mind-link, that Yugi was kissing Marik, too.

"I swear a lot lately," Yami could recall Yugi saying. "You wouldn't know, would you? You're too busy hanging out with Tristan and Duke and all of _your _friends to take _any _notice of your surroundings! I—I could be dating _Marik _and you wouldn't have any idea!"

"I hope not" had been Yami's reply. Now the Pharaoh stared a deep disgusting idea fully realized in the face.

"Oh dear Lord," he cried plaintively. He stood up, sat back down on his butt with a thud. He felt dizzy, sick.

_So this is what Yugi's been thinking about… _

_Ok, ok… I've just got to accept this… I've… _

_AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGH!!!! _

/How long have you two been going out?/ He sent the question to Yugi via mind messenger, (which is also not available for download,) despite his suspicion that he should probably leave the two of them along. _That's actually probably not a very good idea. _

"Eh?" Yugi broke off with Marik and turned to stare exactly where Yami was hiding. "Yami?"

Yugi's visage turned tomato red. His eyes scanned the alley for his other half. "Yami, I…"

Marik grinned happily, glad to be able to piss the Pharaoh off. He huggled Yugi tighter. "I'm not letting go of him…" he told the air in a low, sing-song voice that was a deranged falsetto. Yugi blushed, and hugged Marik tighter while he kept looking at where he knew the Pharaoh was hidden.

"Yami?" he called out meekly.

"You can't see me!" Yami tried to wriggle away. "I'm not here!"

Marik frowned. "Ok, now that's just way too pusillanimous than a Pharaoh should be," he remarked, hoping to stir up some anger in the Pharaoh. (Little did he know the Pharaoh didn't understand that the word 'pusillanimous' meant 'cowardly.') If he was going to lower himself to admitting very openly that he liked Yugi—ok, that he liked Yugi _a lot—_he could at least have fun by torturing the Pharaoh with that fact. Y'know, like in a… uhm… Joey/Mokuba fic, except with Marik instead of Seto, or something.

Awkward pause for the narrator. Yeah, Joey/Mokuba is creepy. That's all I could think of. Leave me alone.

"You disgust me," came the reply from the former ruler.

Yugi growled, miffed. "Oh, thanks!"

"Not _you_!" Yami rectified. "You never disgust me! It's that thing you're hugging!"

"'Thing?" That pissed Yugi off. And Marik. Although, Yugi a bit more. If he was going to date Marik, then the least that Yami could do was to treat his boyfriend like a human bei—

_Did I just think about Marik as my boyfriend? _Yugi blushed, and the New Yugi collapsed into the Old Yugi.

"Yes! He's a thing! Like a bottle of hand lotion!"

"Smooth," said Marik, who was unable to resist making the pun. Yugi and Yami both groaned. "Sorry, sorry."

"Yugi, aren't we supposed to be getting to the picnic?" Yami asked. Yugi sighed, thinking Yami was trying to dream up excuses for—oh. Oh yeah. They _did _have a picnic to go to.

"…Can I come?" Marik asked tentatively. "I don't want for you to talk Yugi out of our little arrangement here." When Marik said the word arrangement, he wrapped his arms tenderly around Yugi's neck, causing the shorter blonde to blush even deeper. "Look, a tomato!" Yugi blushed even worse. "And I'd hate to be the cause of a loud argument between the two of you, where Yugi would swear at you in front of your friends. Actually, I'd love that, but I'm sure it would make Yugi here sad. And it might happen. After all, Yugi swears a lot." Marik smirked. Yami's eyes widened larger than his head would allow.

"What the hell is happening?!" his brain cells shouted.

"The retina's a fat pig!" replied the white cells. "And he's spewed all over the eyeballs, so now they're FAT!"

"That seems logical," the brain cells agreed.

"…_You _want to be the medium between _me _and _my _aibou?!" Yami shouted. Marik grinned his usual Cheshire smile and nodded twice. "That's absurd!"

"Yami, stop it, you're shouting," Yugi admonished.

"Shouting? SHOUTING? …You're right, aibou, I am shouting. Aibou, how could you not _tell _me something like this!"

"The same way you could go out with a girl you knew I liked," Yugi retorted tartly. Yami's eyes shrunk back to their normal size, and his pupils became very, very small.

"The Atkins diet works fast," the retina was remarking to the rod and cone cells. What the hell am I talking about? _I don't know. _

"I… um…" Yami bit his tongue. "Alright, so why don't you come then," he growled. "Surely your friends are going to be aghast at this… this, um…" Abruptly, without finishing his sentence, he turned and walked on ahead without the two of them, clearly in a huff.

So now Marik and Yugi were left by themselves to follow after the Pharaoh. After their liplock, Yugi didn't know what to say, and was left only to blush as a consequence of their actions.

…Man, Yugi blushes a lot.

"…Hey," Marik said finally.

"Yeah?" Yugi mumbled.

"Are you gonna look up at me? 'Cause if not, this probably won't work."

Yugi fell over with the bluntness of Marik's comment. "Oook," he said, "that is _not _what I expected you to say."

"What did you expect me to say?" Marik asked curiously.

"Something with 'mwahaha' at the end of it."

"Ok… Hey."

"Yeah?"

"Am I blushing, mwahaha?"

Yugi nearly anime fainted all over again.

"So…" Yugi looked Marik full in this face. The tiny game king's blush deepened a bit after having lessened considerably. Marik smiled.

"I guess you're not the tough guy you liked to pretend to be these last few weeks," Marik said.

"I guess not," Yugi said, scratching the back of his neck.

"Eh, at least it was a good experience for you. Toughened you up a little. Got you to bug the Pharaoh, too. That was pretty sweet. And look what your little game of acting brought you!" Marik swung out his arms, gesturing grandiosely above his head. "ME!"

Yugi couldn't help but suppress a grin at how ridiculous Marik looked. "Ok, so maybe I got something good out of it." Yugi hugged Marik. "I don't feel so helpless like I did before. And I got to call you some nasty names. That was fun."

"Hey!"

Was he abandoning the New Yugi? Yugi wondered whether it was possible that the two might have merged in the past few minutes, and that he could never go back to either one ever again. It was what he felt.

Yugi mumbled, "I guess you're not a total asshole…" He tugged on Marik's hand, pulling him gently in the direction Yami had left. "I mean, you like me, right?"

Marik rolled his eyes. "No, I make out with _everyone _I pull into an alley."

"I thought so," Yugi said wryly.

Marik rolled his eyes again.

"We don't like being rolled so much!" his eyes complained. "We get dizzy!"

"How do you think we feel?!" Marik's legs screamed back. "Always walking everywhere for this dope, walking and walking…"

"I don't see why you would like me, though," Yugi said, dropping Marik's arm when they came to the sidewalk.

"Eh… You look cute in glasses. And fireworks are pretty neat. And I guess its okay to steal money from my stupid other half. And you're basically just a lot less wimpy than I thought." A thought struck Marik. "You're almost… _cool_…"

"Almost cool? I can swing that." Yugi grinned. "Hey, Marik?"

"Yeah?"

"Where did you learn to kiss like that?" Yugi broached as the park came into view.

The darker half of Malik sweat dropped. "O-shujinkaku-sama," he confessed.

"…Awwwkward."

"Where's Yugi?" Joey asked when Yami approached the group. Joey looked a bit disappointed that they weren't hanging out at the game center as originally planned, but the prospect of what might lie in Tea's picnic basket had perked him up a little. Besides, he liked sandwiches more than sushi… although afterwards they were going to go to Domino City's World of Sushi and have their sashimi eating contest.

"Yugi?" Yami repeated. His taller friend nodded. "With _Marik,_" the Pharaoh seethed. Joey laughed. "What's so funny?" he demanded.

Joey chortled a bit more before replying with, "Well, when Tea told me that Marik and Yugi were dating, I was really shocked at first… and then I realized how _angry _you were going to be, and I… hehehe."

Yami looked floored. "You _knew_?!" was all that he could squeaked, even though his gaping mouth was wide enough for ants to crawl into.

"Well of course," Tristan said. "Tea told us all. Didn't she tell you?"

Yami looked to Tea, who was scooting as far away from them as possible without going off of their picnic blanket. "He he he… Yugi said _he _wanted to tell you," she said lamely.

Yami glared at her some more. "Some friend you are," he teased, sitting down with a stony frown on his face next to Joey.

"Hey, there's Yug' now," Joey said. Tristan looked up and snickered at Yugi, who was dashing over toward the group.

"Hey!" Yugi gave each of his friends a broad smile in turn. Even Yami, whose back was turned to him.

"Hey Yugi!" Tea waved happily. Yugi stopped a few feet from the blanket, his hands behind his back, suddenly shy. His friends blinked at him.

"Um, is it okay if Marik eats with us?" he asked. Tristan laughed out loud. "Tris', that's rude."

"Oh, sorry."

"No, it is _not,_" Yami murmured at the same time that Tea said "Of course!" Joey and Tristan looked a little bit paranoid now that they were actually faced with the challenge of stomaching seeing Yugi and Marik together in front of them.

"Sure," Joey nodded. "We'll be civil." A fake halo appeared above his head.

Tristan added in a mutter, "We'll try to be, anyway."

"I was going to sit here anyway whether you fools like it or not," came a snotty voice from behind them. Joey and Tristan jumped. Yugi laughed a bit. Yami sulked.

"Yami," said Yugi, "you don't, like, hate me or anything, right?"

What was Yami supposed to say? In front of three other people… "No, of course not aibou," he murmured. "I could never hate you…" Joey eyed Yami suspiciously.

"Takin' this hard, eh?" Joey grinned. "I don't blame ya. Marik's damn creepy. And think of all the gay jokes Tea's made about Yugi that we all laughed at because we thought they weren't true."

"I'm bi," explained Yugi.

"And I'm right here," growled Marik. Yugi smiled weakly and sat down next to Tea. Then, seeing that this would leave Marik a spot next to Yami, he scooted back over toward his other half, leaving the psychopath room to sit next to the cheerful Tea. Oh, how grateful Marik must have been.

/I'm sorry,/ he apologized mentally to his best friend.

/'S'okay,/ Yami said back. /I guess I should've known something weird was going on with you./

/Hey!/

/I mean it. You're so weird. You're dating a _fiend._/

/A fiend, _unholy._/

/Yeah, that. …Is that a from something./

/Yeah./

/From what?/

/Just something cool. Like you./ Yugi helped Tea unpack the picnic basket while he mentally apologized. /Sorry… anyway, just so you know… you're actually the first one to know about our real relationship./

/But Tea--/

/I lied to Tea./

A small gasp arose in Yami's throat, earning him odd glances from the others in the group. Yami shook his head, regaining his composure and subtlety. /You lied to your precious _Tea_?/

/She's your precious Tea. And it was kind of an accident. I'll tell you about it when we get home. Anyway, even if you hadn't… um… caught us… um… makingoutinthealley, I still would've told you first./

/Really?/

/Yeah./ Yugi nodded. Yami smiled brightly.

"What are you two talking about?" Marik asked, trying unsuccessfully to quell thoughts of bludgeoning Tea to death with the picnic basket.

"Diesel fuel," Yami lied.

"Cabbage patches," Yugi added.

"Diesel fuel and cabbage patches," Yami concluded. Marik stared at them. It seemed to him that Yami and Yugi would have no problem patching things up, now that Yugi had no more secrets. That made him feel a little better inside. Something inside of him hadn't wanted Yugi to change completely, and now that Yugi would have Yami to confide to again, Marik was almost sure he wouldn't.

…Damn, he felt like a complete pussy right now… he was at a _picnic. _With Yugi's _friends. _Gyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck…

_ Of course, _he thought as Yugi handed him a part of his sandwich, _that doesn't mean that Yugi won't have a mean streak anymore… Or that I have to even LIKE his dumbarse friends… _

"What are you smirkin' at?" Tristan asked the psycho suspiciously.

"Your hair looks weird," Marik said awkwardly.

...It only took a few seconds for everyone to realize the irony in this accusation and start laughing.

"Ha ha ha ha ha," laughed Yami, Yugi, Tristan, and Joey.

"Tee hee hee," laughed Tea.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA—hey, wait, we're making fun of my hair, aren't we?! I'll send you to the Shadow Realm!"

"Please don't," Yugi asked politely.

"Meh… only because you said please." So he didn't. But he _did _smash the Millennium Rod against Tristan's skull. Yugi sweat dropped.

_At least, _Marik thought,_ Malik doesn't know I'm at a picnic… _

"So Marik's in love with the Pharaoh's brat and right now he's at a _picnic_?" Bakura couldn't help but laugh hysterically. "Well, I can certainly see how saying so would get him in good with Yugi's little sap gang…"

"No; he's _really _in love with Yugi," Malik insisted. "It's pretty pathetic."

Bakura raised a slender eyebrow. Ryou was slouching behind him, trying to ignore the conversation by watching a movie on his PSP, feeling friendless. "What's even more pathetic is you teaching Marik how to kiss. That's like kissing yourself."

"Marik thinks Yugi looks cute. Are you not paying attention!? _That's _pathetic. _Terribly _pathetic, actually."

Ryou sighed behind them. The two paused, gave him a cursory glance and, finding that Ryou hadn't been listening at all, went back to talking.

"I think," Bakura said, "Yugi looks like a Mary Jane plant. We could probably smoke him."

Malik placed a hand on his forehead. "So, you don't think this is weird," he said, his head hurting a little.

"You know, he's your dark side. Deep down, you're probably gay as well," Bakura continued. "Probably gayer than my yadonushi."

Ryou bristled at the comment, the only sign that he was paying any attention to the two, but then the pale boy tried to ignore it and continued with his listlessness. It was false, anyway. Ryou wasn't gay.

"If Ryou's gay, then you're gay," Malik countered.

Bakura burst out laughing. "So if Yu… So the _Pharaoh _must be gay!" While the former tomb thief was having a good, hearty laugh at this, Malik was trying to figure out how to get back at Bakura. His solution was a bit odd:

"Wait a second, that means that everyone involved with the Millennium Items is gay."

"Well, with Pegasus, is it any large surprise?"

"I bet I can be gayer than you."

That stopped Bakura's laughter cold. "E…Ex_cuse _me? Where did that come from?"

"In fact," Malik said, pointing toward Ryou, who was desperately wishing he had a girlfriend he could be out pretending to like right now, "I bet Ryou would have more fun on a date with me than he would on one with you."

"O.O" Ryou stood up and started to leave the room.

"Betcha five bucks," Malik said. Bakura looked at him oddly.

"Only five?"

"Fifty. If you're really secure in your masculinity, you can take your yadonushi out to dinner and not feel weird about it."

"Yeah?"

"Five hundred," Malik augmented the bet. Bakura smirked.

"You're on!"

"I'm leaving!" Ryou screamed, rushing out of the room.

Saigo. Owari. The end. The true end. Weird? Yeah… oh, shut up, you know you feel sorry for Ryou now. Hope you've enjoyed. Leave a review:)

…Meanwhile, after the picnic, the group had traveled to Domino City's famed sushiya, World of Sushi. Yami managed to win the sashimi eating contest against Tristan and Joey through what had to be a miracle.

"You really are the king of games," Yugi quipped.

Yami grabbed his stomach. "Right now I feel more like the king of lame…"

Hearing this, Marik sinisterly grabbed a slice of sashimi and dangled it in front of the former Pharaoh's fretting face. "Ohhhh, Pharaaaoh… you have room for one more?"

Disgusting by the very thought of eating, Yami upchucked on Marik's cape.

"…Owch," Yugi said, sweat dropping. "That's got to be a burn of some kind…"

"Heeeeeeeeeellp me!" Ryou ran in screaming. He dove over the counter and crouched down next to a stack of dirty plates. Yugi, bewildered, glanced outside. Through the glass door he could see Bakura and Malik arguing with each other, each one with what looked like a few yen pieces in their hands. Yugi rolled his eyes. _Money is the root of all evil, _he thought.

His attention was brought back to his best friend and his boyfriend. Marik was smacking the Pharaoh's hair with his fist, which made the Pharaoh make amusing squeaky noises in between cursing the dark tomb keeper's name. That insane tomb keeper would never have given Yugi any mind at all if Yugi hadn't stolen money in the name of vanity.

_…Then again, no one was ever sad because they had too much money, _Yugi considered. _And I did get away with a crime. I stole Malik's money! ME! _

"I—am—getting—a—concussion," Yami snarled through clenched teeth.

"Good, Pharaoh! Feel the pain course through you like oil poisoning a babbling river! Mwahahahaha!"

Yugi smiled. _If I hadn't already spent it, I think I would spend it on trying to understand what the hell Marik thinks all the time. _

Someone tapped him on the shoulder. He looked up to see that an employee was handing _him _the bill for all of the sashimi, plus Tea's crab puffs.

_Why me? I didn't even ea—holy… _

I still can't believe it's over. Anyway, tell a friend about this fic. After all this time, I am still a review whore. I really really really hoped you liked this ending! PLEASE review and tell me about it! And for goodness sake…

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS!

_ They ate a LOT of sashimi. Should've got the buffet, _Yugi thought.

Looking around him, he saw that Malik and Bakura had now entered the restaurant and were searching for Ryou. Aaaaaaaand Malik had left his wallet on the counter. Aaaaaaaand some money happened to be sticking out.

Aaaaand Yugi simply laughed, turned about face, and handed the bill to Tristan, who, upon looking at it, promptly started to cry over everything from being broke to being without love. Yugi just smiled and went to stop Marik from putting Yami in a coma. 'Cuz that's what love's about…

…sorta.


End file.
